


from the ashes she became

by Little_Lady_Otaku



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Body Dysphoria, Character Study, Coming of Age, Depression, F/M, Female Sawada Tsunayoshi, Sawada Iemitsu's A+ Parenting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-09-18
Packaged: 2019-10-05 08:32:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 34,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17321552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_Lady_Otaku/pseuds/Little_Lady_Otaku
Summary: Flame Sealing on a child is a recipe for disaster. Even after the Seal is destroyed, Sawada Tsunami still feel the effect. In a world where Skies are Betas, Tsunami yet again subvert everyone's expectation.





	1. i. cinder

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn
> 
> Warnings: grammatical error, typos

_TRIGGER WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAIN MENTIONS OF SUICIDE AND SUICIDE ATTEMPT_

* * *

 

They whisked her away to Italy a day after their high school graduation. Tsunami protested. She said no. For months  _(years)_. They brushed it off, keep telling her that she need to step up. Vongola need her to step up. Now that she completed compulsory education in Japan, they can focus on mafia training full time.

 

She didn't even get to say goodbye to Kyouko, Haru and Hana.

 

Her Guardians came with her of course. Even Hibari. Tsunami wonder what sort of bribe Reborn and Dino promised him to coax the Cloud to come. Reborn chastised her for not being able to bring him over by her own effort. Her Guardians adjusted to the transition fairly well. Better than her. Hayato and Lambo are happy to be back to their homeland. Chrome is eager to test her Italian now that she is in Italy. Ryohei find Italy Extreme. Takeshi was disappointed by the local sushi places but still chipper as ever. Tsunami is not sure where Mukuro is right now.

 

There was never a moment for her to stop and  _breathe._ Her schedule is filled with lessons, meetings with Nono, and dealing with the latest mafia shenanigans. She never get bored, yes, but she is  _tired_.

 

Tsunami wonder when she is  _not_  tired. She doesn't know. She can't remember.

 

If Reborn notice- and of course he does- he didn't say anything. If this is his way of giving her space, Tsunami is grateful for it. She long learned to count her blessings.

 

Tsunami eventually got used living in Italy. It's still difficult but more manageable. She more or less can navigate her way around the massive castle now. Basil show up once in a while to train with her. They are trying to slip into HDW mode without any aid for months now. Iemitsu sometimes come with Basil and give them pointers.

 

(Tsunami wonder if he's here for Basil or for her.)

 

The Guardians have their own thing going on. Gokudera holed himself in one of Vongola's laboratory to find ways to improve his C.A.I System. Ryohei juggle between his professional career, mafia and long distance relationship. Hibari come and goes like a cat. Takeshi would leave for weeks at time to follow Squalo. Chrome spend her time honing her illusions. Lambo is getting better at controlling electricity.

 

The castle is filled with yells, laughters and explosions.

 

It was almost peaceful, for mafia standard.

 

She still couldn't breathe.

 

* * *

 

Iemitsu call for a celebration when Tsunami and Basil slipped to HDW mode without any external aid for the first time. Tsunami turned down his offer. Celebration means drinking. Drinking led to shenanigans. Add in a drunk Iemitsu and they will have chaos in their hands. Nevermind that she and all of her Guardians are still minor. Tsunami told them that Hayato's rut is coming soon and she need to help him prepare. Iemitsu pouted in disappointment before his lips turn upwards and he praised her for her thoughtfulness.

 

Tsunami didn't lie. Hayato's rut will begin in three days. It is a Sky's job is to help their Guardians whenever their rut or estrus about to start. Tsunami doesn't need the Sky bit to help her friends. She will still help them anyway.

 

She left the training ground and head to her bedroom. A quick shower is in order before she go see Hayato. Takeshi will return tonight with Squalo. Lussuria and Belphegor are here too. Tsunami is not sure what they are doing here. She'll find out eventually.

 

But first, she really need to take that shower. Her clothes feel uncomfortable against her skin. It is sticky with sweat and clinging to her like a second layer of skin. Tsunami feel lightheaded. It must be the side effects of Hyper DWF mode kicking in. She like to think that she has gotten used to it after all these years, but sometimes the effects hit her worse than usual. There is a loud ringing in her ear, as if Gokudera's bombs have exploded near her. But her Storm is on the other side of the mansion so how-

 

Tsunami is unable to finish that thought as her legs buckle. The room is spinning. She couldn't think straight. The ringing in her ear get louder by the second. The fabric of the shirt rubbing against her skin actually  _hurts_. The lamp light is too bright for her so she shut her eyes tight. Her body temperature soar through the roof.

 

Something is wrong and Tsunami has no idea what is happening.

 

She can't even  _scream_.

 

Pain

 

Hot, searing pain

 

Tsunami claw on her shirt, trying to tear it off her. All she managed to do is clawing on her own neck and face.

 

There's something slick running down her thighs and-

 

The last thing Tsunami see before she pass out is a glint of metal.

 

* * *

 

The first thing registered in her mind as Tsunami come about is darkness.

 

She is lying on something soft- a bed- and blanket draped over her form. A cold towel rests on her forehead. She feel sluggish and gross and-

 

Something is not right.

 

"I was wondering when you will wake up," A male voice drawled.

 

Tsunami squints her eyes, trying to make out the approaching figure under the terrible lighting. His scent make her momentarily forget of how miserable she's feeling at the moment. He smell so good.

 

"B-Belphegor?"

 

"In the flesh," the blonde stand next to her bed.

 

 _'_ _Alpha,'_ a small voice in the back of her mind whispered. Tsunami ignore it. There is an issue she must address immediately. "What happened?"

 

"The Prince found you in the hallway. You were scratching yourself."

 

The light hits him and Tsunami's eyes widened.

 

"W-Why are you naked?!" She pull up the covers over her head. That's when she noticed that she is too, naked. "Why am I naked?! Why-" A horrible, horrible thought hit her. She sits up immediately. "Did we-"

 

"Oh yeah," Belphegor grinned. "The prince did try to resist, you know. But your scent is too strong…," Here he paused. "That and your Flame. In the face of such devastating combination, the prince don't stood a chance. It was  _that_  powerful."

 

None of this make any sense. Tsunami is a Beta. How could she- And with Belphegor, of all people? Her first time-

 

Something must have shown on her face, because Belphegor stopped grinning. "...What was the last thing you remember?"

 

"I…," She swallowed, "I remember heading back to my room. I was just finished training with Basil. That's when I start to feel lightheaded… I suppose that was when I fainted..."

 

"You didn't faint, actually. I was hunting down the damned Frog when I caught whiff of your scent. That's when I found you. You saw me and I suspect instinct took over at that point. You came onto me and… Here we are."

 

Tsunami's eyes widened in horror. "No…"

 

"Yes," Belphegor said with brutal clarity. Her Intuition is telling her that he didn't lie. Belphegor continues "Never pegged you as the scratching type before. I don't mind though. You were quite enthusiastic."

 

_No… Please don't let it be what I think it is..!_

 

"I know that that was your first time so I made sure you were comfortable. And you sure did enjoyed it. The prince do find it confusing though. You're supposed to be a Beta. But after what happened in the last few hours, I am convinced that-"

 

_Nononono! Don't say it! DON'T SAY IT!_

 

"You're an Omega."

 

Tsunami snapped.

 

* * *

 

When Reborn heard the report, he thought the messenger was joking. But after they _(Tsunami)_ found a way to break the Arcobaleno Curse and thus end the terrible cycle once and for all, Reborn start to believe in the the saying  _nothing is impossible._

 

A part of him isn't all that surprised. It's Tsunami. Of course his female student would be the one to betray all expectations. It's practically her specialty by now.

 

He can marvel all he want later. Right now Tsunami needs help.

 

Reborn, tagged along with Shamal, Timoteo and his Guardians, Iemitsu and Basil, make their way to the room where Tsunami currently at. Her Guardians have already been notified of course. Yamamoto and Chrome are on their way.

 

The closer they get to Tsunami's room, the sensation of Sky Flame weighing down on them intensifies. And so does the scent. Reborn couldn't recall when was the last time he felt Sky Pressure this heavy. Tsunami is definitely feeling  _distressed_ right now.

 

It's not shocking, really, when they reach the room and find it completely razed by Sky Flames. The doors, the furnitures, they're all gone. In the centre of it all is his student, naked as the day she is born. She is all curled up on the floor. Belphegor is there too, just as naked as his student, and trying to comfort her. Oddly enough the flames don't touch him. Every time Belphegor try to touch her, Tsunami would flinch, and the prince would draw back before he try again.

 

Next to him, Iemitsu paled white, and then red, and after that a shade of puce. It didn't take a genius to figure out what had happened. Tsunami is definitely an Omega. A Beta could never produce a scent this strong. Tsunami is releasing  _heat pheromone_ , for God's sake. Belphegor is an Alpha. They are both naked…

 

That's an issue they can sort out later. Right now, their priority is to calm Tsunami down.

 

"Tsunami!" Reborn called out amidst the roaring flames. Tsunami make no indication that she heard him. "Tsunami!" He tried again.

 

This time, she did hear him. Only for the flames to get bigger.

 

 _'She's scared.'_ Not that he can blame her really. Tsunami is the one who is most shocked with this development. They better calm her down before she burn down the entire building. Or worse, burning herself.

 

"Tsunami!" Reborn shouted. "Calm down! Let us help you!"

 

For a moment, he thought that the Flames would attack them. But it didn't. The flames snuffed out in an instant. Like turning off a stove. Reborn take a careful step inside the room. He can definitely smell the smoke but Tsunami's heat pheromones overwhelm even that. Just how bad is her condition? Reborn glance at Coyote and Visconti, Timoteo's Alpha Guardian. They are visibly trying to rein themselves in. It's prerogative to take Tsunami to a safer place or risk a fight to break out.

 

Reborn walk towards Tsunami. She is still sobbing. One by one, the others trickle in. Leon transformed to a blanket and drape himself over Tsunami's nubile form. Iemitsu make a move to reach for his daughter but Reborn raise an arm. He motion for Chrome to get closer. Chrome is an Omega. Tsunami will feel safer with her.

 

Chrome walk past them. She gently kneel next to Tsunami. "Boss…," She reach out to her.

 

Tsunami flinched. Hard.

 

Chrome withdraw her hand. Shock written all over her face.

 

She even reject her own Guardian? This will be harder than he initially thought.

 

"No one is going to touch you, Tsunami," Reborn said in placating tone. "Let's go to the medical wing and get you a check up. Or we can get you checked now. Take your pick."

 

Tsunami make no move.

 

"Tsunami, either you move or we have to move you. Make your choice."

 

For a long moment, Tsunami make no move. Reborn about to motion for the others to take her when she sit up. Good. They can do this the easy way then. Tsunami turn to face them. She is still crying. Belphegor and Chrome silently offer their hand but Tsunami ignore them. She really really doesn't want to be touched.

 

Shamal is already on the move. He is in doctor mode now. Tsunami looks at him.

 

_Shamal pucker his lips and lean closer. Shamal groping her chest. Shamal not stopping when she said no-_

 

"NO!" Tsunami send a blast of Sky Flame at the doctor's direction. "GET AWAY FROM ME!"

 

"Tsunami. You have to let Shamal take a look-" Reborn reach for- For her? For his gun?

 

_Reborn pressed the gun against her forehead. Reborn hitting her every time she got the answer wrong. Reborn invading every space she has-_

 

Tsunami aim her next attack at the former Arcobaleno, "STOP! DON'T TOUCH ME!"

 

"Tuna-fishy-" Iemitsu extend his arm.

 

_Iemitsu's eyes hold barely disguised amusement as he destroy the classroom. How paternal his tone was as he beat her up, like it some kind of father-daughter bonding event-_

 

"STAY AWAY!"

 

Sky Flames flared up once again. Reborn and the others are forced to back away. Tsunami sob even harder now. She feel someone come up behind her and at once readied her Flames. But the other person is faster.

 

Her world turn dark.

* * *

 

Belphegor knocked her out. Tsunami couldn't bring herself to even care when they have more pressing issues to deal with. She listen as a doctor (female and a Omega) explained to her that the Seal placed on her during her childhood suppressed the hormones needed for her Secondary Gender to develop. Even after the Seal is destroyed, it took a long adjustment period for her body to catch up. That's why they mistake her as a Beta in the beginning.

 

There is also a possibility, the doctor said, that placing the Seal so early on a child put her body under pressure in unprecedented degree that it actually changed her Secondary Gender. They never seen a case like this so they will never know for sure.

 

The Sealing. Of course it was the Sealing.

 

Every misfortune Tsunami experienced in the first 14 years of her life can be blamed on the Sealing. On Timoteo.

 

The Ninth Vongola Boss visited her room a day after her Presentation. Tsunami had cooled off considerably by then. He apologized for screwing up her life.

 

Her respond to that is to throw the food tray at him.

 

They had to sedate her after that.

 

Gokudera is finally able to visit her after his rut is over. They purposely didn't tell him until near the end of his rut to prevent him doing anything rash. Her Guardians showed up together. Even Mukuro came along. Gokudera fret over her right away and Ryohei asked if it's possible for Tsunami to turn back to a Beta again.

 

 

Tsunami answered with a voice devoid of emotions.

_"No."_

 

They don't try to touch her. Chrome must have filled them in. Other people have taken the hint not to touch her. Even Reborn keep his distance from her. Tsunami make exceptions for the medical staff (Shamal is not amongst them) and Belphegor.

 

The Storm is a constant presence in her life post Presentation. Whenever he is not in the same room as her, Tsunami is more prone to hysterics and the heat more unbearable. They theorised that the Omega side of Tsunami has imprinted on Belphegor, since he is that first Alpha she encountered during her heat. Anything is possible in this case. It didn't help that he is the only thing Tsunami can stomach at the moment. After her Presentation, Tsunami can't seem to turn off her Hyper Intuition. Her senses are overwhelmed by her surroundings. Bright lights, sound of crickets outside, her scratchy hospital gown, all sorts of things that may be mundane to others prevent her from getting the rest she need. Tsunami had given up clothing altogether. The only thing that kept Tsunami from succumbing to this continuous assault on her senses is Belphegor and his Flame.

 

Belphegor come in his own volition, not under Xanxus' or Timoteo's order. Tsunami feel a little gratified over the fact. The prince would do his paperwork in her room and regal her stories of his missions and past times. Which means blood. And gore. He leave no detail out.

 

She let him touch her.

 

They don't have sex again. Belphegor make no attempt to hide his erection when her heat pheromones start to affect him. Yet he didn't do anything to initiate sex and for that, Tsunami is immensely grateful. It's hard enough for her to control herself in his presence. Belphegor making a move on her will cause her to give in to the need to mate. When Belphegor is away, his Box Animal Mink keep her company.

 

Her Guardians, especially Gokudera, are hurt when Tsunami reject their clothes. Tsunami finally gave in to her urge to nest on the fourth day. She demanded for one of Belphegor's striped shirt and the hand knitted sweater Kyouko gave her on her 17th birthday.

 

The devastated look on Lambo's face when Tsunami rejected him was too much to bear. The boy won't present for the next few years. By all means he shouldn't make Tsunami feel threatened.

 

But Tsunami don't feel safe, not even around Lambo.

 

It took 10 days for her heat pheromones to finally stop. By that point, Tsunami is beyond tired. Her caretaker told her that she slept like a log for the next 20 hours due to the sheer exhaustion.

 

When she wake up, Reborn and Shamal were there. Reborn asked her if she will let Shamal examine her now.

 

She said no.

 

Reborn didn't press.

 

* * *

 

Tsunami start to think.

 

This is not her body. Everything about it felt wrong to her. Her limbs are too short and too long at the same time. Tsunami couldn't decide.

 

Has her body ever really hers? Timoteo put that Seal on her when she was so young. It ruined her slowly, painfully. Then Reborn crash into her life. With Dying Will Bullets, he forced her to die and resurrect so many times she lost count.

 

It's like he peel every layer of skin she has until he found the one he wanted. The one Vongola wanted. In a literal sense. Tsunami remember in vivid detail the sensation of her skin peeled itself. The moment her heart stop beating. The white noise filling her ears as everything slowed down and the silence that follow afterward. Then her heart start to beat again. Dying Will Flame licking underneath the new layer of her skin. Every inch of her body scream in pain as Tsunami get on her feet. The pain would stay even when she is no longer in Dying Will Mode.

 

Tsunami is so tired of being in pain.

 

Reborn said Dying Will Mode let you voice your true desire. Tsunami never believed him. She don't feel like herself whenever she enter Dying Will Mode. It feel more like she is sharing the control over her body with another person. Never just her. It made her feel… invaded. Who is this stranger sharing her body right now? She can't recognise them. Are they her true self? Or the person she want to be? Or Dying Will Flame imposing its will on her soul?

 

On some days, Tsunami want to give up control entirely.

 

What would her childhood have been like if Timoteo never Sealed her? What is it like to grow up with two present parents? What will they call her, if she had not been Dame Tsuna?

 

They stripped her of her childhood, identity, choice, voice and body.

 

What else could they possibly want from her?

 

It's never going to end, is it? The Mafia will take and take and take and take until there is no trace left of  _Tsunami_  left.

 

Vongola Tenth. Neo Primo. Not Tsunami.

 

Tsunami often wonder about her future self. The one who came up with the idea to bring her younger self and comrades to the future so they can fight her battles.

 

That Tsunami destroyed the Vongola Rings because their power terrified her. Those rings are the core of this endless cycle of bloodshed and destruction. Maybe she made the wrong choice. Maybe she didn't think it through. But she tried to save whatever was left.

 

She couldn't understand that woman's decision to drag Kyouko and Haru into this mess at first. Now she understand her future self better. She is doing exactly what the mafia taught her, because she know nothing else.

 

The mafia broke that Tsunami.

 

They are trying to break  _this_  Tsunami too.

 

And they're succeeding.

 

* * *

 

They whisper that the Tenth Generation is the second coming of the First Generation. The Guardians are too similar to the legendary figures in terms of appearance and skills to be called coincidence. Tsunami wanted to say that she didn't believe in reincarnation. After spending a few years in the mafia, she can't help but wonder if they may be onto something.

 

Aside from the obvious differences, Tsunami inherit Giotto's eyes and fluffy hair. They both have the same weapons. Tsunami own his cape now. Giotto revealed himself to her, something he never done to the previous heads. He unlocked the rings' true potential for her and her Guardians. If that is not meant to be a seal of approval, Tsunami don't know what is.

 

It still didn't change the fact that Tsunami is not Giotto.

 

Tsunami stood alone in the bathroom. She look at her reflection in the mirror. She did not see Giotto, the strongest Sky in history. She sees an exhausted girl-not-woman with fear in her eyes.

 

They want her to be the answer. They expect her to be one. They actually  _demand_  her to be Giotto.

 

Giotto, Giotto, Giotto. It is not Tsunami they want, but a man long dead.

 

She is just a mere copy of that man, a faulty one even. Wrong gender, wrong presentation, wrong race,  _wrong_.

 

Tsunami throw the hairdryer at the mirror, smashing it to pieces.

 

It is not the last mirror she destroyed.

 

Belphegor found her sitting on the bathroom floor an hour later. Her palm is bleeding from holding the mirror shard too hard. With a gentleness she didn't know he is capable of, Belphegor take away the shard before carrying her to bed. He stopped the bleeding, treat her wound and stayed with her until the nurse arrive. Tsunami fell asleep in his arms.

 

He didn't express or show any form of disapproval the next time Tsunami destroy a mirror. He just grab her and led her away from the mess. Belphegor would summon Mink and Tsunami let herself be distracted by the fluffy animal.

 

But that hot fury is still there.

 

Day 28 after her Presentation, Tsunami managed to control her Hyper Intuition enough to let her go outside. She couldn't do it for long though.

 

At this point, Tsunami had slashed the painting of Giotto in the library (with Belphegor's knife). She did the same to the painting of the First Generation in the office but only Giotto's face. This repeat for a few more times until they put down all visual of Giotto in the residence.

 

The news of her behaviour eventually reached Iemitsu's ears. He showed up at her room, followed by Lal Mirch and the rest of CEDEF members, and proceed to order her to stop being difficult.

 

Tsunami spit at him before she lunge.

 

_"How could you do this to me?!"_

 

Belphegor, who was also present at the time, did nothing to stop her. It was Basil and Oregano who pried her off from Iemitsu. Lal Mirch knocked her out.

 

Beating up her excuse of a father felt good but Tsunami thinks killing him will feel even better.

 

* * *

 

"I don't know who I am anymore," Tsunami whisper to Belphegor as they lay in each other's arm one night. They call her Dame Tsuna, a Sky, Vongola Decimo, Neo Primo, friend, enemy, student, kouhai, sister. All of those are true but also false. Those are people's view on her, what they think of her. What they want from her.

 

What does she think of herself?

 

"Then," Belphegor take her hand with gentleness Tsunami is starting to get used with. "Let's find out."

 

"And then what?"  _The mafia will never stop. Not until she is what they want. Where they want. Give them what they want-_

 

"What do you want to happen?"

 

"I…"

 

Tsunami swallowed.

 

"I want to be free."

 

* * *

 

On the first minute of Tsunami's first time flying, she is hooked.

 

This is not like sitting on a plane as it took off. She is the one doing the flying.  _It was all her._

 

She don't need any window to look. She can just look. The view never fail to take her breath away, even if it was blood and fire and sometimes nothing at all.

 

On the ground, there is only Dame Tsuna and everything that come with it. Hurt, tears, cutting words, scrapped skins and inability to breathe.

 

When she take off to the air for the first time, Tsunami feel her chest loosen and she  _breathes._

 

Nowadays, whenever she feel the world is closing down on her, Tsunami take off to the sky. To give herself room to breathe. To make herself free from everything that weigh her down on the ground, even just for a moment.

 

Dame Tsuna lives on the ground. Dame Tsuna can't fly.

 

Tsunami can fly and no one can take that from her.

 

But flying is no longer enough now.

 

* * *

 

Tsunami didn't mean for it to happen but she made no effort to stop either.

 

It was a fine day. It is such a shame not to fly on such a day. The medical staffs encourage her to go outside so she won't stay cooped indoor all the time. No one stop her from flying. Everyone knows how much she loves flying. They never worry that Tsunami would run away. It never cross their mind that Tsunami have the capability to do so. This is Vongola. They will track her down and bring her back. Sure, Tsunami could try to run away. They will chalk it up as a tantrum before chaining her down to the ground once more. Tsunami has to land sooner or later. Vongola will continue to peel off her skin until they found the layer they like. Tsunami will become fed up and try to run. Vongola will catch up and the cycle remain unbroken.

 

Belphegor is away on a mission and Tsunami don't want to get back inside just yet. She don't want to come down just yet. She has no intention to seek out her Guardians or Reborn. So she perch on a tree branch like a bird and rest.

 

The branch broke.

 

Tsunami feel gravity pulled her down. Instead of the hard ground, she fell into the cold lake. It doesn't make it any less painful.

 

Tsunami look up the brightly lit water and it clicked to her.

 

She remember reading Shakespeare. One of his stories is about a prince who lost his mind to revenge and his own guilt. In the story there is another character who lost their mind. A girl younger than her, with flowers in her hair and songs on her lips. She climbed the tree instead of coming down on it. The branch she sit on too broke.

 

Ophelia fell into the water and she didn't do anything about it.

 

There is nothing she could do. Nothing will change. What difference does it make for her to go back to the surface. Her father died in the hands of the boy she loved. That boy hate hate his mother so he hate her as well for having the same sex. Her brother will help but he is not here and who is to say that Hamlet wouldn't kill him either? The madness worsen as time pass. After Claudius, who will Hamlet turn his vengeance to? Gertrude? At that point, it's no longer about revenge for his fallen father. Hamlet had turned his quest for revenge as an excuse for his own desire. All that remains is hate.

 

Ophelia will never be free from the decadent court of Elsinore, from Hamlet.

 

The only way for her to leave is to let the water take her.

 

They will never know if Ophelia is too caught up in her world to notice that she is drowning or this is her last conscious act.

 

What matters is that Ophelia is no longer in pain.

 

Tsunami closes her eyes and let the water pull her.

 

At least there is no fire down here.

 

* * *

 

Reborn is with Shamal when a frantic Ryohei burst into the room. He told them that Tsunami almost drowned. Yamamoto was walking through the garden when he saw Tsunami fell into the lake. When she didn't resurface, Yamamoto dived in to save her.

 

Was it a suicide attempt?

 

Reborn knows full well that Tsunami is not coping with her situation. The Presentation is just the tip of the iceberg. It exacerbate the issues deep inside her. His student might not even realise those issues existed in the first place, silly Tsunami.

 

They tried to keep their distance for her sake. Her Guardians, Basil and Iemitsu, Timoteo and his Guardians. Even Reborn himself. He remember with crystal clarity the look of fear on Tsunami's face on the first day. It doesn't take a genius to piece together the reason behind that fear.

 

It was simple. Tsunami have associated them to pain and fear and discomfort. Even Lambo who never truly hurt her is no exemption. She witnessed firsthand the violence he endured in the hands of Reborn and their enemy. The pain and fear trumps the trust she built with Reborn and her Guardians over the years. Tsunami had been cut off from her Flames for a decade and she had been scared for even longer. It is also the reason why her Hyper Intuition went out of control. One cannot feel at ease when they are in an unfamiliar spot. Hyper Intuition take this to the extreme by trying to catalogue every single thing within vicinity. It's almost as if Tsunami's Hyper Intuition have sentience.

 

Reborn berated himself for not seeing this coming. He is so used with Tsunami beating the odds that it didn't occur to him that that is not always the case. He is her teacher, he should have been more careful. He is going to have a word with his student after this. Belphegor too.

 

There is no way Belphegor didn't notice anything. He is too smart for his own good. He is the only person Tsunami don't mind to be around with. Completely different from her tolerating the medical staff. So why didn't he say anything?

 

Tsunami's case is different from Hibari's distaste with crowds.

 

This one is more urgent and need to be curbed immediately.

 

Takeshi need to collect himself after he take Tsunami to her room. No doubt what Tsunami did sparked his memory of his own suicide attempt. He put her to bed and step outside, letting the medical staff do their job.

 

When Reborn and Shamal arrived in front of Tsunami's bedroom, they found Takeshi and the medical staff unconscious on the floor.

 

When they enter the room, their eyes fell upon the Vongola Gear on the bed, having reverted back to its bulky, stony state.

 

Tsunami is nowhere to be seen.


	2. ii. ignite

Prison, Tsunami find, is a funny place.

 

Hundreds of soul are kept behind bars, only to be let out on certain times with rules to abide to. Sometimes you don't get any timeout at all. Sometimes you get a water tank instead of steel bars. The prison is a quiet place. Of course, no one would dare start a riot in Vendicare Prison.

 

Now that she lives here, Tsunami want to laugh. They make out this place to be the gateway to hell if not hell itself. In reality, it wasn't that bad. No one get mistreated in here. Everyone is treated equally. No one dared to attack each other or instigate a prison riot. They knew better. The only deaths allowed in the Vendicare Prison are deaths from old age or untreatable sickness. Vindice actually make the effort to be humane to their captives when they themselves are no longer human. Which says a lot to the rest of the mafia outside these walls.

 

Vendicare Prison - dare she say- have a melancholic quality to it. Tsunami would go as far to call it beautiful. The world outside is blanketed in snow, with the grey mountains and green pine trees peeking out here and there. When the sun sets and the stars come up, it was simply breathtaking.

 

The interior of the prison itself seems to be based on medieval/Gothic architecture. Vindice gradually renovate the place as time goes on and technology develops. They installed heaters inside so no one ever die from the cold here. Even if there are prisoners who made it outside, they are left under the mercy of the element. All locations of Vendicare Prison are situated far away from civilisations.

 

This place is quiet, the complete opposite of Vongola HQ in Italy. No explosions, no fightings, no senseless destruction. Everything is orderly here. Constant. Stable. Tsunami likes that.

 

Who would have thought that the Vindice make great hosts as well?

 

They didn't ask any questions when Tsunami showed up at their doorstep. Bermuda ordered the staff to prepare board, hot meal, and clothes for her. Vindice have human, living staff as well living in the prison. It's still hard for Tsunami to wrap her head around it but it made sense. She couldn't imagine Bermuda cleaning the toilet. The prisoners did their share to keep the place clean but they will need more than that to keep the prison operate smoothly. Tsunami wonder if one just send a job application to Vindice. The mental image of Jager sitting down with applicants and then interview them leave her in stitches.

 

When he first saw her, Bermuda took off his bandages. His expression at the time alone told Tsunami that he understand. He has questions of his own but is in no hurry to ask her. Tsunami is grateful to the ex-Arcobaleno. She don't know what she will say when Bermuda does ask her.

 

They pretty much left her to her own devices as long as she do not disrupt the order in this place and venture into restricted area. Tsunami make sure she didn't get in the way of the Vindice Arcobalenos or the staff. The fact that they left her on her own devices speak of no small amount of trust. Tsunami will not do anything to betray that. Not that she did a lot of wandering in the first place.

 

Tsunami don't interact with the prisoners. To be more exact, she refused to let herself be seen by them. Imagine the uproar if the prisoners saw her walking around this place while not being a prisoner herself. Tsunami don't think a leak is possible but Mukuro proved that Vendicare Prison is not the perfect fortress the mafia have come to believe. She don't wander to the lower levels. That's where they keep the more dangerous criminals. Where they have the water tank and possible worse.

 

There was a Vindice officer (an ex Arcobaleno) who shadowed her every movement in her first few days. Tsunami asked him (her?) to sit down with her when she is having her meal. These undead Arcobalenos have no need for food. They do still get tired. The officer took her invitation and sit down. Tsunami asked them if they ever miss eating. It took them awhile before answering but when they did, it was barely a whisper.

 

_"Yes."_

 

Bermuda may be completely callous, devoid of empathy and drunk with revenge. But there is still something left in him, in them, enough to not make them complete monsters.

 

Boldened, Tsunami would ask whenever she find a Vindice officer that is free at the moment.  _Where are you from? Tell me your favourite colour. What is the name of your favourite song? How did you get that scar? What were your Arcobaleno companions like?_

 

_What is it like?_

 

The Vindice officers don't know what to say in the beginning. They are used being asked about laws and technicalities, not to share something about themselves. Yet as time pass, one by one, they start to answer. They start telling her before Tsunami get to ask. She sits with them and listen.

 

Alejandro made her a teddy bear so she don't have to sleep alone. (Out of paranoia, she checked for bugs or weapons expertly installed in the toy. There is none.)

 

Big Pino hum to her when Tsunami is suffering from a heat.

 

Jager's rotting hand enveloped hers as he teach her waltz.

 

"Thank you," Small Gia said to her with a smile. He just told her about the blacksmith who took him as an apprentice when he was a little boy. "For asking."

 

"No," Tsunami shake her head. _"Thank you."_

 

When it's their turn to ask, Tsunami too feel stumped at first. She can only give short answers or none of all. Thankfully the others are understanding. Bermuda even sit with her when she has another one of her episodes. He still don't ask questions. Instead he hold her hand as Tsunami try to  _breathe_.

 

So yes, Vendicare Prison is not a scary place. A hard place, yes, but not hell. Tsunami would know if it's hell. Vendicare is anything but.

 

* * *

 

The snowfall coincided with the end of her heat. Tsunami decide to go outside the next morning to enjoy fresh air. It's a rare opportunity for her to go outside due to the risk of being seen. Her heat come and goes irregularly, which complicate matters. Tsunami can have a week long heat period and then it start again four days later. She once have a two heats in the interval of one day. It's extremely troublesome to say the least. Vongola medical staff recommend the use of toys to relieve her some of her tension. The medical staff at Vendicare Prison told her the same thing. Tsunami said no. She've seen images of those toys and those are intimidating. She has done well to not put anything inside her womanhood so far. Belphegor's dick included. It was only that one time. Tsunami don't even remember it.

 

And honestly? The thought of Bermuda knowing that she use toys to masturbate mortify her.

 

The upside of being zombies is that they no longer have any urges. There is no more need for them to reproduce anymore. Hence why the Vindice officers are not at all bothered with the scents produced by Alphas and Omegas on sight. There is no need to worry that the Vindice will take advantage of the inmates.

 

Tsunami can see the white puffs of her breath as she step outside the gates. The world outside is painted in white. She feel as if she step into a fantastical land. Or stepping inside a painting. It looks unreal.

 

"There you are, Sawada Tsunami."

 

Tsunami turn around to see Bermuda floating towards her. Jager, who is usually go everywhere with him, is nowhere to be seen.

 

"Good morning, Bermuda," She greets him. Bermuda land next to her. "Is it alright to leave the Pacifiers?"

 

"The blacksmith Talbot and Verde worked together to built a machine that store the Flame of Night and utilise its warping ability to keep the Pacifiers in check. It allow us to do our job as the law enforcers in the mafia."

 

"Ah." Tsunami turn to look at the view again. After a long moment, she break the silence. "Why do you still run the Vendicare Prison? I thought you want to dedicate yourself to keep the Flames lit."

 

"I did," Bermuda acknowledge, "Just because we have the control over the Pacifiers now doesn't mean the other sets of the Tri-Ni-Sette won't be targeted as well. Not to mention there are too many dangerous individuals in our prison. We are also the keeper of oaths. Your ancestor and Cozart weren't the only people who made pacts. We will continue our work until we find someone that can be trusted to replace us as the law enforcers."

 

Tsunami let out a soft "oh."

 

"You didn't bring your Vongola Gear with you."

 

"I don't think it matters if I have it with me or not," Tsunami shrugged. "When it revert to its… let's call it raw form. When it revert back to its raw form, I considered destroying it."

 

"So why didn't you?"

 

"You know from Mukuro's memories that future me destroyed the Vongola Rings. It just made things even more chaotic. And since new Pacifiers are granted to new Arcobalenos, I figured Kawahira can create replacement. So it doesn't matter what I did. Besides..."

 

Bermuda wait for her to finish.

 

"That thing terrifies me. I never wanted it."

 

Of all people that could understand her, it would be an Arcobaleno. None of them choose to carry the Arcobaleno title. They were shoved into a body they hate. The Pacifier choking the life out of them. When they are no longer useful, they are discarded like trash.

 

It's only a matter of time before she is thrown away once Vongola deem her to be no longer useful.

 

Bermuda let out a soft hum. "So you come here instead."

 

"I never planned on it. It just… Happen."

 

"We certainly weren't expecting you."

 

"I don't know when will I leave. Or if I will ever leave."

 

"We have people who will never step outside of this place till the end of their lives. What's one more?"

 

Tsunami laughs. "Good thing I like it here."

 

"Jager and the others will be pleased to hear that."

 

"Reborn once told me not to trust you people," Tsunami tell him. "He's not wrong… But he's not here to tell me that I'm being stupid."

 

"You get that a lot."

 

"I get that a lot," Tsunami agrees.

 

"I owe you an apology."

 

"What for?"

 

"For calling you Dame Tsuna in the past."

 

Tsunami turn to face him upon hearing those words. No one ever apologized to her for calling her Dame. Nobody. Even when her grades improved and she rarely bump into things nowadays. Everyone seem intent to remind her that she is Dame. Once a Dame will always be a Dame. It sticks to her like parasite. It never goes away no matter how hard she tried, and it's slowly eating her.

 

"I've always dreamed," Tsunami can feel tears threatening to fall. "Ever since I was a little girl, I always dreamed that my mother, our neighbours, Reborn- Everyone will apologize to me for calling me that. That they will stop treating me like their- their bitch or something. But I just could never see it happening. I don't know how to get out. I just can't see them apologizing- or- or letting me go."

 

She is crying now.

 

"They hurt me… And I still love them… But I also want to hurt them back. Does that make me a mafioso?" Because only in the mafia where such love is the norm. They can take something so simple and twist it around until it become something horrible like violence. She doesn't just talk about romantic love (Bianchi and Romeo). There's Gokudera and his father. Genkishi's devotion for Byakuran.

 

"No," Bermuda answered. "I have watched you for a long time now… You are not a mafioso and you will never be one."

 

"What am I then? If I am neither a mafioso or Dame Tsuna?" Tsunami ask in broken voice.

 

"I can't be the one to decide that for you," He said, "You look like you had enough of people doing exactly that."

 

Bermuda head back inside, leaving Tsunami alone with her thoughts.

 

* * *

 

When you have hours of nothing to do, your mind begin to wander.

 

Tsunami wonder about the girls and women in mafia.

 

Elena is not Daemon Spade's wife but she was his soulmate. Daemon loved Elena, yes, but he ultimately use that love to justify his anger and hatred. He lashed out at the world, broke others to pieces so they fit the Vongola he envisioned, leaving cracks on the foundation of the legacy he tried so hard to build.

 

Iemitsu used her as a stepping stone for his career. He dig his heels on her back until she is where he want her to be at. He act all paternal at her while shoving her off the cliffs. He truly deserved the moniker of Young Lion of Vongola. And Nana. Her sweet, oblivious mother. She had done her best to turn a blind eye on all the chaos mafia brought into her life. How will she take it if Tsunami forced her to look at reality? Something tell her that Nana's mind would break. Perhaps Iemitsu chose her because he knew her fragility make her dependent on him.

 

Mukuro take advantage of a traumatised girl to get close to her. When he got free from Vindice, he was quick to abandon her. Yet he still lingers around, whispering sweet nothings and sometimes harsh remarks to keep Chrome in. M.M knows exactly what kind of person Mukuro is but did nothing to get away. She couldn't.

 

Byakuran? Him from the bad future basically forced himself on an underaged girl. It might not have been sexual but it was no less sickening. Byakuran unleashed Ghost, uncaring of Bluebell getting caught within the pseudo human's range and died. In present time, Yuni claim that they are friends now. Everyone were equally puzzled by her willingness to forgive Byakuran after everything. Was she really that magnanimous or…? Tsunami is not sure she want to continue that line of thought. The same goes to Bluebell.

 

Yuni promised Giotto something in exchange for power. Whatever it is Yuni bargained with, it fill Tsunami's stomach with dread.

 

The mafia built their bloody empires on the back of these girls. Every brick laid was once a life.

 

Tsunami is the latest brick.

 

What about the females who come to position of power? Were they put there by men who want to make them their puppet? Like how Iemitsu and Timoteo did? Tsunami can count with two hands how many females in the mafia who come to power by their own merits. To play on even field with the big boys. What did they sacrifice to get to this point? Tsunami think of the things she had to give up for Vongola. She can't think of anything Vongola had given up for her.

 

She don't know who she can turn to. Lal Mirch is too close to Iemitsu. Yuni is too young, no matter how wise she sound. Byakuran and Gamma hold influence over her. Aria is nowhere to be found. Daniella is dead.

 

Did her future self wondered the same thing as she does now? Tsunami can't help but think.  _That_  Tsunami had no one. No one tell her the words Bermuda said to her. Did she return to life after they stopped Byakuran in the bad future? Did anything change for her?

 

Tsunami doesn't know and likely will never know.

 

"I will not blame her," Tsunami declared. There is no one else present in her bedroom to hear her. "I may never understand what she did. But I know that she tried everything possible within her power at the time."

 

"I'm sorry."

 

Surely her future self want to hear those words. If no one will do that for her, this Tsunami will.

 

"I'm so proud of you."

 

Her chest tightens.

 

"No matter what others said, you are not Dame."

 

And loosens.

 

"I hope you are happy- or content- I hope you're okay now. Wherever you are."

 

Something she couldn't put a finger on start to fill her chest.

 

_"I hope you get your justice."_

 

* * *

 

The feeling didn't go away. Tsunami cling to it. She bundled it inside her chest. It made her feel lighter. Warm. She is not whole yet. Probably never would. The mafia had taken too much. But it's something. It's hers. It has to count.

 

For the next few days she puzzled over it. What to do with it. Tsunami didn't tell others about it. They can see that she is thinking. It seems that thinking is the only thing Tsunami does these days.

 

There is no one here to tell her what to think or what to do. Others will give her advice if she ask. Tsunami want to figure it out herself. This is the freedom that she craves. Just a small taste of it, really. It's still enough to get her addicted to it. This is what Vongola had denied her all these years. Now that she recognise what it is, Tsunami don't want to ever let go. Not again.

 

When she got it, Tsunami look for Bermuda. He listened carefully as she speak. His eyes glittered when she asked the question.

 

"Your training start tomorrow. Get some rest."

 

The corner of her mouth quirked upwards. "Yes."

 

Tsunami slept soundly that night.

 

* * *

 

Tsunami barely remember the girl she used to be before Reborn crash into her life. That girl was known as Dame Tsuna but surely, there must be something good about her?

 

What about the time before she was Dame Tsuna?

 

Tsunami couldn't recall.

 

Has it always been her destiny to be doomed with Iemitsu as her father?

 

Will she become someone like Nana? Who only know how to smile, cook and clean?

 

Or will she grow up normal? As normal a child could get with Nana as the mother that is.

 

She will never know.

 

Vongola have taken everything from her. Everything she has now are given to her by Reborn or Vongola in some form.

 

They said she is is one of the strongest Sky in this lifetime. Otherwise Kawahira won't consider her as the first choice for the Sky Arcobaleno position. Others have trained longer than she did. But they never had their Flames sealed for a decade. It's a miracle, really, that Tsunami is still alive after everything.

 

Correction: they have no choice but to keep her alive.

 

Vongola have no use for a corpse.

 

Tsunami always feel strange about it. How she and the others managed to survive all the conflicts thrown their way. She don't believe in sheer dumb luck. If she being particularly sentimental, Tsunami will say because it's due to the power of friendship or something out of the manga Yamamoto likes to read. It's not just friendship, however. There is a lot going on in the background. Reborn's handiwork included. She is what they have left. It's not difficult to imagine Vongola set up contingency plans behind her back and leave her in the dark about it until they allow her to know. They will order her to lay down her life if such thing is necessary and won't think twice about it. They will sugarcoat it, of course. Telling her to do it for the sake of her family and friends. Heaven forbid Vongola is viewed as the bad guy.

 

Vongola stole her Flames  _(her life)_. They returned it to her when it suited them with strings attached. Expected her be forever grateful towards them when they were the ones at fault. Worse, they chose to never admit their guilt.

 

She won't call this a life.

 

What is the point in being the strongest Sky if she couldn't even hold a semblance of control over her own life? Her power didn't matter in the slightest if she can't even use it for herself.

 

Tsunami have been dancing in Reborn's palm, Vongola's palm, for years now.

 

And she is sick of it.

 

But what can she do about it? If she return now, they will put her in a box and throw the key away. Or tighten the invisible leash around her throat until she choked. Killing them is not the answer either. Vongola is too big. It will take years for her to track down every single one of them.

 

Tsunami don't want to waste the rest of her life hunting down Vongola. That's not what living means.

 

She could live with the Vindice until the end of time. But it's because she need a place to hide from Vongola. Tsunami will spend the rest of her life running away.

 

Tsunami want to be free. Not looking behind her shoulder for eternity.

 

* * *

 

There is an actual business where they prepare a room for the sole purpose of being wrecked by those who rent it.

 

Tsunami burn everything in her bedroom once. Two times. Three. Four. Does that make her an arsonist? She could channel all that energy and emotion to something productive. Pottery, maybe. But she was so tired of  _holding in_ and  _pretend_.

 

Tsunami gets upset and sad. Reborn always brush it off and forced her to focus on other things. Or manipulate her so she'll channel it to the cause he picked for her.

 

Tsunami was angry once. Angry at Byakuran. Angry at his callous treatment towards Yuni. She killed that son of a gun and thought 'good riddance'.

 

They brush aside her anger when it did not serve their purpose.

 

Tsunami was forced to held it in. At first she bit her tongue. Then swallowed the words and emotions until they choked her. And then- And then she spill it all out.

 

Let me tell you; it wasn't pretty.

 

"You're angry," Tsunami said to Bermuda during training one day.

 

"Furious," He corrects her. "This is not the sort of fury that will ever be dampened. Not with word. Not with action. Not even with time. It burns."

 

"How do you keep it going?"

 

"Because I know it's  _justice_ ," Bermuda said the last word with so much feeling it made her blink. "We were called cruel before. Yet we are one of the reasons why the mafia haven't ruin this world yet. We are contrary creatures, us creatures who appoint ourselves the guardians of law. Even to this day, you still can't decide if we're good or bad people. Tell me if I'm wrong, Sawada Tsunami."

 

Tsunami shifted uncomfortably under his gaze.

 

"We know what is  _right_  and what is  _wrong_. And what Checkerface did is wrong. He can try to use the excuse 'it's for the sake of the world' for all he wants. But we know that it's wrong. That creature never view us as his equals from the beginning so it doesn't matter to him how many lives were sacrificed. You can see how his morals and ours differ here. With us taking control over the Tri-Ni-Sette, it is the ultimate revenge. Not just for the sake of our fallen comrades but also for humanity. We are in the right to get that justice. If it meant laying down our lives to achieve it, then so be it. But the knowledge that we get the justice that is due to us... That one victory make up for everything. Even if we spill blood for it… Even if it was a fluke... No one can take that. Not even Checkerface. He may try to take back the control over the Pacifiers… And we may lose again. Checkerface can start the Arcobaleno system once more if he choose to. Maybe no one will be able to stand up to him after that. But Checkerface had been beaten once… And he knows it. Our first victory is our final… It will always be ours. Checkerface will die knowing that he was wrong."

 

The feeling in her chest seem to expand upon hearing Bermuda's words.

 

"Break time is over," Bermuda announce. "Start from the beginning."

 

"Yes, Sensei."

 

* * *

 

The more she thinks, the more question Tsunami have.

 

Maybe this is why Reborn keep forcing her to focus on the things he want. So he doesn't have to answer. Tsunami once believed that Reborn know everything. She now knows that it isn't true. World's Greatest Human or no, he is still a mortal. He is as fallible as the rest of them. Reborn have avoided some of her questions before in the past.

 

Spending time with the Vindice has been… Enlightening. Tsunami find herself wandering to the mural more often these days. These murals are as old as humanity itself, according to Bermuda. It was already there when he and the survivors reached this mountain. No one knows about the Arcobaleno that were there before them. With Arcobaleno come and goes, they steadily add more to the wall.

 

The Vindice did keep tabs on Giglio Nero Famiglia, starting from Sepira. They didn't interfere with her handling of the Vongola and Mare Rings. They reasoned it's because Sepira told Giotto the truth instead of outright deceive him from the beginning.

 

Does it make it any better?

 

Why did Sepira did what she did?

 

The Mare Rings are Giglio Nero's by right. Why give it to Byakuran?

 

She gave away the Vongola Rings to Giotto. What quality does her ancestor has that convinced Sepira to entrust those rings to him? Maybe she can't hold onto two set and have to give away one. But surely it will be a lot safer if one set remain in Giglio Nero's hands for good?

 

There is no way she couldn't have known what will happen to those rings afterward.

 

After all, mafia come to existence thanks to these Rings.

 

Sepira had the same ability to see the future like the rest of her descendants.

 

Sepira indirectly helped creating the cruel system that is the mafia. In Tsunami's eyes, that woman is no better than Kawahira/Checkerface. She could have stopped him from creating the Arcobaleno System. A system that is rigged from the beginning. Sepira made the world a lot worse than it should be, just to push back the world's end a little longer.

 

Unless… Sepira want to wash her hands of the Tri-Ni-Sette entirely?

 

The Giglio Nero leaders have lifespan not all that different from humans. Maybe that's why Sepira chose to bet on humanity? To hand over the reins to them?

 

It was around this time a squirrel catch her attention.

 

Animals are rare in Vendice Prison. There are rats here and Tsunami saw birds outside. But for a squirrel to sneak inside…

 

The squirrel looked at her. Tsunami stared back. It scurried off before it stopped to look at her again.

 

...Is it telling her to follow it?

 

Curious, Tsunami follows the small animal.

 

It led her to the lower levels. The lower levels are for high profile criminals like Mukuro. It's also where they built rooms for prisoners who are Omegas to occupy during their heat period. Tsunami use the Omega facilities meant for the staffs instead.

 

When they go even deeper, Tsunami start to get anxious. Just where is this squirrel taking her? It's not too late to go back upstairs. Tsunami technically hasn't broken any rules yet. She would hate to lose Bermuda's trust.

 

The hallway is barely illuminated. Tsunami had to squint to see anything. There is a torch at the end of the hallway. When she get closer, she found a door. It is slightly ajar. The squirrel give her one long look before squeeze itself into the gap.

 

So it wants her to enter.

 

Tsunami reach out for the handle… And stop.

 

Oh, she can predict where this is going. There is something behind this door. Something ominous. This creepy hallway and creepy there won't be out of place in a horror/thriller movie.  _This_ reminds her of Reborn's trickery. Tsunami is not going to fall for it. If she open this door, it means she had learn  _nothing_. Also, she is not a white female in some cheapo horror movie. She is not going to play this game.

 

Tsunami turn her back on the door and walk away.

 

* * *

 

"Do you allow pets here?"

 

"No. Why do you ask?"

 

"Because I'm pretty sure someone is trying to lure me with their squirrel."

 

"...Squirrel, you say?"

 

"Oh, good. So I'm not the only one who found this dodgy as hell."

 

"...I need to go."

 

* * *

 

Tsunami don't know where Bermuda is gone too. She has a pretty good guess though. Let Bermuda sort that one out. She has better things to do. Small Gia promised her that he will train her today.

 

Training with Vindice is something Tsunami never thought she will ever experience in this lifetime. Yet here we are.

 

The Vindice are… Constructive. They don't insult her when she mess up. They don't inflict pain as punishment. They don't yell at her outside of training. Their teasing are not out of malicious intent. They don't believe in property damage either. Completely different from Reborn's training method.

 

They also give her space. Room to  _breathe_.

 

These people are the dead. Their rotting skin give way to the muscles and bones underneath. They even smell like corpse. But they get  _it_. They understand. And for all the kindness they have shown her, Tsunami can't bring herself to hate them.

 

It's understandable if one come to fear them, they count as monsters.

 

But even monsters know how to love.

 

* * *

 

Bermuda come to visit her room a few days later. Tsunami just about to call it a night. To say Tsunami is surprised is an understatement. Bermuda never come here at these hours. She let him in, because technically he is her landlord.

 

Tsunami sit on the bed. "Is there something I can help you with, Sensei?"

 

Bermuda didn't immediately answer.

 

She waits for him. He is not going to kick her out, right? She knows that she didn't pay any rent. Nor she contribute to the running of this place. But Tsunami can't think of anything that would warrant Bermuda's ire.

 

Unless… He found out about her brief trip to the dungeons?

 

"I know that you went to the dungeon a few days ago," Bermuda stated.

 

"Yes," There is no point lying to Bermuda.

 

"Did you open any doors?"

 

He's asking her about The Room.

 

"I found an unlocked door. It was already ajar when I found it. A squirrel led me there… I told you about the squirrel."

 

"Yes, we looked into that."

 

"...Am I in trouble?"

 

Tsunami is not ready to go back yet. Not now. She's not well enough to-

 

"You're not in trouble," Bermuda assure her. "For now that is."

 

"What's that supposed to mean?"

 

Arcobalenos and their cryptid words!

 

"The owner of the squirrel wishes to see you. The animal is meant to bring you down there," Bermuda told her. "It did a good job leading you to the dungeons. And then you decided not to open that door."

 

"...I find it too convenient. That room is below even the level where you kept the worst prisoners. There is no way that you would leave it unlocked. The whole thing smells like a trap."

 

"You made the correct decision back there."

 

"I'm sensing a 'but'."

 

"The occupant of that room still wish to see you. They will try again."

 

"...who is this person?"

 

Dread start to fill her. Who on Earth is this person? They got themselves locked at the lowest levels. Just what sort of deed they have committed that forced the Vindice to throw them at what might as well be the bottom of Earth?

 

"...Do you know anyone who own a squirrel?"

 

The question made her frown. "Not that I know of. I doubt it's my former classmates in Japan. Mafiosos prefer Box Animals over common pets these days…"

 

Something is niggling her at the back of her mind. A faint memory coming to the surface. It's related to a squirrel… Tsunami didn't think much of it back then. But Bermuda's questioning got her to remember.

 

Yuni mentioned it to her once in passing. Something about a squirrel.

 

Tsunami feel her blood run cold. "It's not possible." Bermuda stay silent, much to her frustration. "You're joking. There's no way-"

 

Time travel is reality. So is dimensional travel. Ghosts exist. And so are the undead. They live in a world where supernatural is not just fairy tales. What makes this one any different?

 

Bermuda's next words bing her out of her reverie. "They want to see you no matter what."

 

Tsunami can't  _breathe_.

 

* * *

 

Let's talk about love.

 

Let's talk about Nana's love for Iemitsu, how she keep the house warm and clean for an absentee husband.

 

Let's talk about Chrome's love for Mukuro, how she still hold onto him even though he abandoned her once she served her purpose.

 

Let's talk about Lal Mirch's love for Collonello, how she tried to keep him at arm's length for his own protection.

 

Let's talk about Elena's love for Daemon Spade, how she continue to believe to her last breath that he and Vongola will create a kinder world.

 

Let's talk about Bianchi's love for the men in her life, as volatile like her own Storm Flame, how she readily toss herself into it without second thought.

 

Let's talk about Aria's love for Yuni. How she readily step down from her role as Arcobaleno, knowing that it will damn her, if it meant her daughter will live.

 

Let's talk about Lavina's love for Gokudera.

 

For some reason, Tsunami's heart ache the most for Lavinia. Her whole life is turned upside down because Gokudera's father fell in love with her. Lavinia is a civilian. She is helpless against a mafioso like Gokudera's father. Just how deep their relationship actually goes? Did Lavinia genuinely loved him or did she pretend to stay alive? Gokudera's father could very well forced himself on her. They don't teach control or boundaries to men in the mafia… Don't Gokudera's father realize what is he doing? He drove Lavinia to the corner. Then she was forced to give up her son. Lavinia lost her future, her autonomy, and her son consecutively. In the end, she lost her life as well.

 

She can't help but wonder what the world will be like had Lavina lived.

 

_A better one._

 

Gokudera's father take and take and take. It appears that is all what men knows. Iemitsu did nothing but take. So did Byakuran from the bad future.

 

_How do one love? What is the correct way to love? Do you measure love with how much you are willing to sacrifice? Is this is the only acceptable way for women to love in the mafia?_

 

The squirrel sits in front of the door. It's as if its waiting for her. Tsunami turn to Bermuda and Jager. Bermuda didn't say anything but the look in his eyes tell her to be cautious.

 

She push open the door.

 

The room is barely illuminated. The only piece of furniture she can see is a bed. A prone figure lay there. Their wrists are restrained by heavy chains. The smell of rotting flesh hits her as soon as she step inside. The figure has a clear Pacifier hung around their neck.

 

"Greetings, young Sky," The person greet her warmly. Judging from the voice, Tsunami is speaking to a female.

 

Tsunami hold her breath.

 

In front of her is a daughter, a mother and a leader in her own right. Someone who has the answers Tsunami seek.

 

She stare at the woman for a long moment until she gathered enough courage to greet her back, "It's a surprise to see you here, Giglio Nero Ottavia."

 

_And you, Luce. What sort of person are you? How do you love?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Vindice are not good people. It doesn't mean they are pure evil as well. Just a bunch of people fuelled by righteous spite.
> 
> Reborn would spew blood when he find out that Tsunami call Bermuda 'Sensei' but not to him. You can bet that Bermuda will gloat over this.


	3. iii. spark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, SUICIDAL ATTEMPT

Not a single word spoken until they return to the upper levels. The shock yet to leave her mind. Never once in her life she imagined that she will meet Luce in the flesh. Tsunami had to double check with her Hyper Intuition to make sure that this is not some trick on Bermuda’s part. Or someone masquerading around as Giglio Nero Ottavia. 

 

It is difficult to be certain. Tsunami never actually met the woman. Her actual knowledge is limited to records and tidbits told by the Last Arcobalenos.

 

Mammon called Luce a traitor after a few glasses of strawberry daiquiri.

 

Hyper Intuition told her that the woman rotting at the basement is the real thing. 

 

Luce has the body of an adult, for starters. Was she able to figure out how to get her original body back? Tsunami steal a glance at Jager. Full adult size. Could it be that Arcobaleno return to their adult form after their time as an Arcobaleno end? Lal Mirch did regain her adult body back after Kawahira lifted the curse. It must be part of the process. All former Arcobalenos in Vindice look like adults. Bermuda is the sole exception.

 

Could it be that the rapid aging add to the burden of an Arcobaleno’s body? They are already exhausted from having their Flames sucked dry by the Pacifiers. No wonder only a few were able to survive after the curse is gone. 

 

Tsunami wonder just how much strength Luce has left. She is all chained up to her bed. The blanket covered her body up to her torso. It’s possible that she no longer have legs. Luce disappeared when Aria is even younger than Yuni is now. According to Aria and the Last Arcobalenos, Luce lived for a couple more years until they can no longer sense her. 

 

They didn’t know about the Flame of Night at the time.

 

Unless it has something to do with Giglio Nero’s unique heritage, the reason Luce was able to survive this long is because she possess the Flame of Night.

 

Bermuda only share his Flame of Night to his fellow Vindice officers. Daemon Spade wielded the same type of Flame. It doesn’t seem that he is aware of Luce’s survival. How many people out there who have the black flame, Tsunami wonder...

 

Bermuda has yet to say a word.

 

They make way to Bermuda’s office. Once Jager close the door, Tsunami open her mouth.

 

“You have the eighth head of Giglio Nero down there.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Did she… break a law or something?”

 

“No.”

 

“So why is she here?”

 

“She survived the removal of her Pacifier. We invited her to join our cause but she refused.”

 

“And… You keep her down there.”

 

“She doesn’t want to return to her family. We agreed to take her in. Luce of Giglio Nero was an Arcobaleno like us. She deserve to have her final request granted. Luce doesn’t want her family and comrades to locate her. We didn’t think she would last this long.” 

 

“...Are you ever going to tell me? About her? If I didn’t find out on my own.”

 

“I would if you asked.” 

 

Tsunami thought for a moment. “You were suspicious of her, weren’t you?”

 

“The Donnas of Giglio Nero know more than they let on,” says Bermuda. “Their gift of precognition is worthy of envy. It is what allowed them to not just survive but also  _ prosper _ . It is also marked them as one of the truly dangerous individuals in the Underworld. Their heritage is not something that can be easily dismissed either.”

 

“Yuni had no idea,” Tsunami says slowly. “You think Luce is aware that she is not fully human?”

 

“We came to learn of Sepira’s existence in the course of our investigation. We know that she was linked to Checkerface but we keep our distance from her. Sepira never get herself involved with the matter of the Pacifiers either. She never told her daughter about her origins. She did however, left behind clues for her descendants to solve. Someone will put together the truth eventually.”

 

It’s not hard to imagine Luce making that discovery all on her own. She was chosen as an Arcobaleno for a reason. Not just for her Flames or special gift. 

 

“It still doesn’t explain why you locked her up down there,” Tsunami points out. “I don’t know about her legs but Luce has a physical body (for the most part). You said it yourself. It is forbidden to have Flames of Night if you lack physical form. You let Daemon Spade wreck havoc for centuries. Why the different treatment?” She narrowed her eyes. 

 

Bermuda didn’t answer for the longest time. Tsunami about to turn her heels when he speak up. “Because she is too dangerous to be left on her own devices.” 

 

Tsunami feel a fraction of tension leave her. Bermuda is willing to answer instead of deflecting like a certain someone always do. 

 

“We don’t know what will happen if someone of her kind gain access to Flames of Night… Luce might have unlocked new powers that we don’t know about. Anything is possible with their kind. They’ve been playing God for so long...”

 

“...That they might as well be gods,” says Tsunami. Kawahira and Sepira are the closest thing to gods that Tsunami know of, in this world of magical flames and rings that can damn the world. 

 

“Luce survived the removal of her Pacifier. The process awakened her Flames of Night. And she… didn’t do anything. She is content to just rot there for decades. Waiting.”

 

“Waiting for what?”

 

“Only Luce knows for sure. And that is the most worrisome part.” 

 

Tsunami has a bad feeling about this.

 

* * *

 

She tried not to think about Luce but to no avail. Her thoughts keep coming back to that woman in the dungeon. Luce doesn’t seem all that bothered with her current predicament. That makes this whole situation even scarier. 

 

Users of Flames of Night are driven. They are patient. They  _ want _ . 

 

Bermuda’s Flames come from despair and vengeance. Daemon Spade’s from greed and also grief. 

 

_ What about yours, Luce? What feed your Flames? What drove you to this point? _

 

Tsunami rack her brain for possible answers but couldn’t come up with any. If she want answers, she must go directly to the source. Is that a good idea though?

 

“Is it okay if I go see Luce?” Tsunami asked Bermuda after training one day.

 

“You want to see her?”

 

”I’m not sure,” Tsunami admitted. “I don’t think it’s a good idea myself but…” 

 

Only few remember Luce as Arcobaleno. Even fewer remember her as Giglio Nero Donna. No one talk about Luce as anything else other than a mafiosi or mother. 

 

_ How did she do it? _

 

“I want to know.”

 

Bermuda study her for a long moment.   

 

“This goes without saying but don’t lower your guard around her.”

 

“I won’t,” Tsunami promises.

 

She won’t. 

 

* * *

 

Alphas are the Leaders. Omegas the prize. And Betas are the followers.

 

That is the first thing adults tell children when they introduce the concept of Secondary Gender. It’s an obsolete idea nowadays, but in the past it was the absolute truth.

 

This mindset was challenged to unprecedented degree when Giotto, a known Beta, proven to be a Sky. The Element of Harmony is possessed by those who bear the qualities to become a leader. Betas follow Alphas, not the other way around. It was during Ricardo’s reign when Skies are hunted down and killed by Alphas. Why? So the world will go back it once was. A world where Alphas are uncontested. Historians lost account on how many attempt there was on Ricardo’s life. The body count of Betas and Omegas who lost their lives is impossible to tell. It was Vongola Secondo who put an end to this brief but horrific period. The amount of blood he left on his wake to do so is one of the many reasons why people both fear and revere him. 

 

Alphas are more willing to submit to Skies after that. A Sky only proven themselves when they Harmonize with an Alpha. There are two Alphas amongst her Guardians; Gokudera Hayato and Hibari Kyouya. Xanxus has two; Belphegor and Squalo. Dino’s new Lightning Guardian is an Alpha. 

 

Most of the time, an Alpha will agree to follow a Beta/Sky after they prove themselves to be stronger than them. That’s how Xanxus convinced Squalo to Harmonize with him in the first place.

 

Another method is for the Beta to slowly build trust with the Alpha. The surest way to achieve this is for the Beta to take care of the Alpha whenever they are in a rut. This includes making sure they are dehydrated, prevent them from fighting another Alpha, keep them away from Omegas, and so on. An Alpha who listen to a Beta are much more willing to Harmonize with them. Skies take care of their Omega Guardians in similar manner. 

 

It’s hard to imagine Xanxus taking care of Squalo and Lussuria, an Alpha and Omega respectively. He is just  _ not _ the nurturing type. Belphegor Presented before Xanxus get defrosted. The other members of the Varia were there to manage him. Thankfully Belphegor is one of those Alphas who respect  _ power .  _ Xanxus only need flare his Flames and Belphegor will stay put. 

 

Dino don’t always do a good job in taking care of his underlings. But he is sincere in everything he does to ensure his followers feel safe and comfortable. Many times he would mess up but it was endearing. In a cheesy way. 

 

It is easy enough for her to take care of Ryohei. Kyouko is usually there to help. Hana make the task easier after she became his girlfriend. Ryohei get stupid competitive when his rut arrive. It drive everyone nuts whenever he sneak to the zoo to fight the biggest, most badass animal available. The director of the zoo have Tsunami’s number in his contacts.

 

Gokudera is a different sort of easy. Whenever his rut is near, Gokudera’s already short fuse become shorter. He becomes territorial. He is already territorial over Tsunami on normal days, when his rut arrive, it bleed over to the rest of the Guardians and their associates. Tsunami once witnessed Gokudera eat a bento meant for Yamamoto in less than 30 seconds because the underclassman won’t leave Yamamoto alone until the baseball player accept them. Gokudera, always eager to please Tsunami, listen to everything she say, so making sure he stay put is not an issue. 

 

Hibari is a beast. It was a trial to get him to Harmonize with her. The Cloud grew up with the mindset of ‘Alpha is the pack leader, everyone else are followers.’ He doesn’t like to be touched when his rut arrive, which is fair enough. Still doesn’t stop Reborn to force Tsunami to cross Hibari’s personal boundaries in her task to take care of him. Those were the days. In high school, Tsunami prepare everything Hibari need and leave them outside his room. That is the arrangement both parties agree on. 

 

Hibari gets  _ weird _ whenever Mukuro goes to heat. It’s like the Cloud is conflicted between fucking Mukuro up or actually  _ fucking _ him. It didn’t help that Mukuro is attractive. The Mist himself never pass up the chance to taunt Hibari over it. Mukuro isn’t stupid enough to stick around Hibari when he’s in a rut though. 

 

Tsunami never seen two people so caustic at each other like those two. 

 

Apparently Chrome produce scent similar to Mukuro’s whenever she goes to heat. So similar that Hibari once mistook her as Mukuro when he caught whiff of her heat scent. That was the first time Tsunami soundly beat Hibari. He was losing control. Chrome stays with Tsunami or at the Sasagawa’s from the beginning to the end of her heats. Chrome’s control over her illusion weaken during heats so Tsunami stay with her to supply her with Flames.

 

Yamamoto is a Beta. He help Tsunami take care of the others in their time of need. Whatever Tsunami needs, he’s there to lend her a hand. Ranging from cooking meals to slow down Ryohei with his Rain Flame before he destroy the gym building. Again.

 

Lambo has yet to Present at the moment. They know that Teenage Lambo from the future is a Beta. So Tsunami doesn’t have to worry over him much.

 

Gamma apparently fall over heels for Aria after she took care of him during a rut. He had tried to Court her in the past but Aria already had a Mate. Her hair hid her Mate Bite mark. No one knows what become of her Mate.

 

Luce took good enough care of her fellow Arcobalenos in their short time working together before the Fateful Day. Mammon admitted it, after a few bottles of sake.

 

Even though it’s been a long time since he last done it, Bermuda prove himself to be a good caretaker.

 

Tsunami can’t help but to compare him with the other Skies she knows.

 

He made a point to have the kitchen cook Tsunami’s favourite food. Bermuda gave her an old cape of his so she can make a nest. He even let her cuddle him for more than an hour so he smell like her.

 

The Arcobalenos of Vindice never visit her when her Heat is here. Tsunami find their rotting smell too much for her to handle while she’s in this state. Small Gia cheered her up by joking about not forgetting his deodorant. 

 

It’s still lonely. 

 

It remind her of the time before Reborn came crashing into her life. When Tsunami has no one to talk to. Her only consolation at the time is that at least Dame Tsuna is not an Omega.

 

Her life was, and still is, depressing.

 

The only upside of her heat (that she can think of) is that it give her more time to think when she has the presence of mind to do so. 

 

Right now her concern is of what she will say to Luce when she see her. 

 

Tsunami knows that there is a lot she want to ask Luce… But she doesn’t know where to even begin. 

 

Someone who is locked up for  _ decades _ bound to be bored, human or no. Luce is probably dying (figuratively) to talk to someone. And you know what? Tsunami can’t blame her for that. Luce only has a squirrel to keep her company. 

 

Maybe she can start with girl talk? Did Luce and Lal Mirch ever had a girl talk? Lal Mirch seem to be above such things. 

 

What kind of things did Luce talk about with Aria? A mother bound to have so many things to teach her daughter… In theory… Tsunami has lots she want to tell Nana but she couldn’t bring herself to. Do all girls in mafioso feel this way? Or is it only her?

 

What do mothers in the mafia tell their daughters? Do they teach them to survive their mates? What do they tell their daughters when they hand them a gun? What secrets did they whisper to their daughters’ ear when no one is around to spy on them? Did they taught the daughters violence or did they teach them how to be soft?

 

Luce left when Aria is younger than Yuni is now. Did she missed her daughter? Tsunami met Aria just once. 

 

_ ‘If I were Aria, what would I say?’ _

 

Tsunami’s eyes widened. 

 

* * *

 

An odd sense of  _ deja vu _ wash over her as Tsunami enter the Room for the second time. Luce is still in bed. She is still in chains. The Room is still cold. 

 

“Greetings, young Sky.”

 

She even use the same greeting. 

 

This time is different though. This time, Tsunami is ready. 

 

“Aria got her eyes from you,” says Tsunami.

 

That knock the smile off Luce’s face. 

 

“I met her only once, your daughter,” Tsunami continued. “She made me carry her shopping bags. I get the sense that Aria loved shopping. She even bought something for me and my friends. She has good taste.” 

 

Luce stay silent.

 

“She smelled nice too. My mother never wear perfume. I never get the chance to ask what perfume she use so whenever I’m out shopping, I go to the perfume section and sniff them one by one. I haven’t found it yet. Aria’s perfume.” 

 

Tsunami waits for Luce to say something. When she doesn’t, Tsunami continues. 

 

“If I didn’t know about Yuni at the time, I wouldn’t have guessed that she is a mother. Aria is like an older sister you can lean to. We had fun together. Aria eat quite a lot too. I never seen anyone devour that many cake before. And I’m friends with  _ Kyouko _ and  _ Haru _ .”

 

Tsunami tell her about her brief time with Aria. Every single detail of it. Surely,  _ surely _ , Luce want to know about her daughter. By the time she is finished, tears are running down her face.

 

Luce stare at her with an indescribable look on her face, “...why are you crying?”

 

“I don’t know,” Tsunami answered honestly. She thought about it for a moment before making another attempt. “I think I’m upset.”

 

“Upset about what?”

 

“Not about what but for who. I’m upset for Aria’s sake.” 

 

“Why is that?”

 

“Because…”

 

_ Because she didn’t get the chance to see her daughter grow up. _

 

_ Because she had kept her distance from her daughter to hide her away from the Famiglia. _

 

_ Because she was forced to carry the burden as an Arcobaleno. _

 

_ Because she died too soon. _

 

“Because Aria deserved better,” She settles. “And you deserve- You deserve too.”

 

Luce’s gaze softened. “You are a kind child, aren’t you?”

 

Tsunami wipe her tears, “I am not a child.”

 

_ I am not kind either. I’m scared. I have been scared for as long as I can remember. There’s a difference. _

 

“What are you then?” asks Luce.

 

Tsunami couldn’t think of an answer. 

 

“There is a lot I don’t know about,” She says instead. “I want to ask but I don’t know whom should I ask. You look like the sort of person that hold all the answers.”

 

“I don’t know if I can answer your questions but I can certainly try.” 

 

Tsunami wiped the last of her tears and give Luce a weak smile. Or at least she try to.

 

Luce smiled back.  

 

* * *

 

“How was it?”

 

“It could be worse, I guess.” 

 

“What did she say to you?”

 

“Believe it or not, harmless stuff.”

 

Tsunami can practically see the look of disbelief underneath those bandages.

 

“Really,” Bermuda clicked his tongue in his distaste. “And what are these  _ ‘harmless stuff’ _ ?”

 

“Why are you- Oh, right. The room have those magical gizmos that prevent telepathy as well as bugs. Thanks for that, Sensei.”

 

“Sawada Tsunami.” 

 

“Sorry, I can’t tell you.”

 

“Why?”

 

“We had a girl talk.” 

 

* * *

 

Tsunami start to visit Luce after that. Not everyday but she come down to the dungeons often enough. Bermuda made no action to stop her from going. She can tell that he don’t exactly approve of what she’s doing but he trust her to make her own decision. Tsunami would’ve hug him out of gratitude. She restraint herself from doing so though. Bermuda is not Reborn but Tsunami doesn’t want to suffer his displeasure. 

 

Training took a good chunk of her day. There is always something new to learn from Vindice. It’s never boring. 

 

And the Vindice are so  _ kind _ .

 

The first time they brought a gun to training, Tsunami lost control.

 

The sight of a gun make her on edge. The sound of gunshot is enough to send her to a breakdown. In her panic, Tsunami attacked discriminately. 

 

She is no longer in the training ground of Vendicare Prison. She is back at Namimori-Vongola-Battlefield surrounded by Guardians-Enemies. They are out to get her. They are going to tear her skin so they can see the flesh and bones underneath. They’ll burn her flesh, grind her bones to dust and take away her Flame. All she can smell is gunpowder. It made her stomach churn. 

 

Jager knocked her out before she had the chance to get out of the training ground. 

 

They said it’s PTSD.

 

Tsunami was so afraid that they will kick her out after this. She attacked them with the intention to  _ kill _ them. If Jager hadn’t stop her, it’s possible that Tsunami will kill the prisoners in her rampage. 

 

Bermuda never said anything about kicking her out. Instead he stay by her side as she cried her eyes out. 

 

Reborn would call her foolish. Other will say it’s Stockholm Syndrome. That Bermuda and Vindice took advantage of her confused state. 

 

Tsunami will tell these people to fuck off.

 

Is it any surprise that she will open her heart to those who give her basic human decency? 

 

The Vindice are with her every step of the way. When Tsunami learn what are her triggers, how to handle herself when panic attack set in and the works.

 

Tsunami is not even surprised that she has PTSD. There is no way she come this far without her mental health suffer in the process. When the Vindice give her a questionaire to fill out, Tsunami discover that she also has depression and anxiety. 

 

As she look at the papers, she can’t help but think to herself;  _ I’m so fucked up . _

 

Fucking Vongola.

 

How many people out there who suffer like she did? Tsunami never see anyone break down like she did. Could it be that they hide those broken parts of theirs because the mafia prey on them? It makes sense. God forbid Vongola show any weakness. They give those poor souls two choices; to _ be _ okay or die. Probably that’s why Reborn is so trigger happy. Better be a violent fucker than a sad fucker. Yes, she is also talking about Xanxus. Typical mafia machochism. 

 

Tsunami rather stick with property destruction than harming anyone. Punching Iemitsu on the throat is fair game though.  

 

Bermuda look amused when she told him this. 

 

“Are all fathers in mafia like that?” She asked him. Gokudera’s father only see his son and daughter as extension of himself. Timoteo  _ utterly _ failed his sons. Dino speak of his father with sadness and no small amount of frustration. Iemitsu… 

 

“Not all of them,” Bermuda answers, “But still too many. Both in and out of mafia.” 

 

“What was your father like?” Other Vindice members have told her of their past. Maybe not the whole story but they gave her something. Bermuda never say anything about who he was before he became an Arcobaleno. 

 

“Go to bed,” he says instead.

 

Tsunami goes to bed. 

 

Some wounds heal. Some simply fade to scars. Scars can still hurt. Scars are reminders. 

 

Maybe Bermuda will tell her something. Maybe he won’t. Tsunami could try to ask the others but ultimately, it is his story to tell. Tsunami rather hear it from his own lips.

 

There had been too many stories lost in the hands of other people.

 

Fuck Kawahira, Checkerface, or whatever name that asshole go by now. 

 

* * *

 

“Did you ever suspect?” Tsunami asks Luce. Whenever someone talk about Luce, they make her out to be someone who know more than they let on. Understandable, since Luce is a seer just like the rest of the family but… 

 

Even Kawahira can be wrong.

 

Luce answered her with another question. “Will it make any difference if I said yes?” 

 

“Maybe not,” Tsunami admitted, “But at least you’ll know  _ why _ . It’s a thousand times better than being in the dark.  _ I want to know. _ ” 

 

Luce doesn’t answer for the longest time. Tsunami waits patiently. She will not force her. She is not  _ Reborn/Iemitsu/Vongola.  _ Tsunami knows all too well what it feel like to be used to inflict it on others. She wonder when was the last time someone ask Luce like this. 

 

“I’ve always known I am different from others,” Luce answers after what seemed to be an eternity pass. “I’ve instinctively known that I am not like everyone else. I’m not just talking about our abilities but… There was something about me that set me apart from others on fundamental levels. All my life, it felt like I was an observer. At times I don’t know if it was because my seer ability made me view others differently or…,” Here she paused. Tsunami stay silent. “On the worst days, I feel like… Like something inhuman playing human.”

 

_ Oh _

 

“You can’t imagine the relief I felt when Kawahira revealed that he and Sepira are different species. It felt like I finally regain an integral part of me that had been lost. You know what that feels like, don’t you?”

 

Tsunami’s heart ache for Luce. She knows exactly how that felt. 

 

“I can’t help but wonder if my mother ever feel this way. And her mother and the mother before her. Maybe Sepira didn’t tell her daughter the truth of her heritage to protect her-”

 

Tsunami cut her off without thinking, “Or maybe Sepira was that  _ desperate _ to be human.”

 

Luce close her mouth and stare at Tsunami. 

 

“It’s just a speculation on my part,” She said hastily. “That- Sepira wanted her species to get along with humans. Maybe we fascinate her. Maybe she saw potential in us. She saw something in us that her species don’t have. Maybe-  _ Maybe _ she want to be one of us. That’s why she picked a human as her mate. Why she gave birth to her daughter and call her human girl. Am I making sense?”

 

“Some,” says Luce.

 

“I don’t understand her actions. Sepira. A lot of them just don’t make sense. I was hoping that you can give me a clue,” Tsunami admitted.      __

 

Luce eyed her, “You do realise that me giving you any sort of answer is the same as me divulging my Famiglia’s secrets?” 

 

“Are you?” Now it’s her turn to answer a question with another answer.

 

To her surprise, Luce laughs. “Relax, Tsunami-chan. I am not angry. In fact, I am  _ relieved _ .”  

 

The younger woman blinks, “Relieved?”

 

“As you can see, I don’t have much to do down here,” She waves a hand, her chain clinks. “When you have all the time in the world and not much to do, you begin to think. The more I think, the more I question everything I know. It’s quite refreshing to have someone to share my thoughts with. Bermuda don’t exactly trust me.”

 

Tsunami is careful to keep her expression neutral.  _ ‘Who can blame him? You are not exactly trustworthy. Not after what you did to Reborn and the others.’ _

 

_ Why did you do it then? _

 

“Sepira made sure she didn’t leave behind any clues about her heritage. We don’t have a lot of records about her. But if you know where to look…,” There is a twinkle of mischief in Luce’s eyes. “I always figured Sepira to be a changeling.”

 

It took Tsunami a few seconds to remember where she heard that word. “You mean like a swapped baby? But it’s the faes who did it?” She can see why Luce would draw to that conclusions. 

 

“In the end, we’re not that far off the mark,” says Luce. “And now we know.”

 

“Now we know.” 

 

Silence fell upon them. Luce looked like she is waiting for another question from Tsunami. The younger Sky hesitated. Well, best say it out right while Luce is still in the mood... 

 

“And what do you think now? About yourself?” 

 

It take Luce a while to answer. But when she does, her voice sounds so sure.

 

“I still feel like I’m me. I’m Luce and no one else.”

 

Tsunami leave the room with her head spinning. And a weigh in her heart. It wasn’t until later that night did she identify that emotion as envy. How Luce made peace with herself despite everything that had happened. 

 

_‘I want that,’ _ Tsunami thought bitterly before sleep take her away. 

 

* * *

 

On some days her control falter. On other days she will feel like giving in. It is during a time like this the urge to fly is the strongest. The Vindice don’t let her, considering what happened the last time she placed herself on a high spot. Tsunami can’t refute them. 

 

They tightened the security around her. Despite her escape from Vongola, the Underworld at large still recognize her as the legitimate successor. It will destroy Vindice’s credibility if anything befall on Tsunami while she is under their care. Tsunami want to think that Bermuda genuinely cares. She almost believe it in normal days. It’s difficult for her to trust these days. Doubt always linger in her mind. 

 

Reborn told her to trust her instincts. 

 

He also told her to never question him, while twisting her arm. 

 

Tsunami ask the Vindice a lot of question. Sometimes they get all worked up from her questioning. But they never give her physical pain as retaliation. Not even once. So Tsunami is more inclined to believe that they told her no lie. 

 

That’s why she was not that worried when Bermuda summon her.

 

Tsunami found him overseeing the expansion of the mural. They are adding the last chapter of Arcobaleno’s bloody history. 

 

She choked up when she saw a female figure who look similar to her.

 

Bermuda chuckle at her reaction, “You were the one who come up with the solution to use the Flame of Night. You gave us a way out. You have more than earn your place to be included in the mural,” Bermuda told her. “You may not be an Arcobaleno yourself but you are part of us. Part of our long, tragic history. I know that you didn’t ask for all these but…” He takes her hand. “You deserve to be known not as Tsunami of Vongola. The world will remember you as something else.”

 

Tsunami blinks, “You’re giving me a title?”

 

“My dear, it’s about time you get a moniker other than Decimo or Primo Incarnate. Your Storm is the Human Bomb. The Cavalonne Don is the Bucking Horse. Tell me, why shouldn’t you do the same thing?”

 

“I don’t know who I am,” says Tsunami. “I don’t have any real sense of self. Vongola- They-  _ You know. _ ”

 

“Consider it as a beta test. A trial period. You can always decide what do you want to be called. It’s your decision.”

 

“I…”

 

_ (“I don’t know who I am anymore.”  _

 

_ “Then,” She tries to breath when he grab hold of her hand, “Let’s find out.”) _

 

Bermuda squeeze her hand. “Will you allow me to tell you my idea at least? Take it as my nickname for you.”

 

“...okay…”

 

“Tsunami the Unfettered.  _ Tsunami de Liberatrice. _ ”

 

The name cause her to balk. “I’m no liberator. Vongola wanted me to become their saviour. I never asked-“

 

“You are our saviour. Us Arcobalenos. You broke the chains of slavery Checkerface put on us. It’s only right that you give yourself the same courtesy.”

 

The tone in Bermuda’s voice as he say the last bit make her heart ache. 

 

“You are free.”

 

Tsunami pull his infant body close, and he lets her.

 

* * *

 

“Your mural miss one crucial detail.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yes. You should include Lambo in it.”

 

“The Bovino child?”

 

“He was the one who gave me the clue I needed to come up with the plan. He earned a place as well.”

 

“...We’ll put him there.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

* * *

 

“So, Mare Rings. Vongola Rings. The Pacifiers. How do they work exactly?” Tsunami fire straight away the moment she walk into Luce’s room. 

 

Luce is sitting up, supported by a number of pillows. She give Tsunami a rather amused look. “To answer your first question, entropy. Checkerface told you that the Tri-Ni-Sette hold the death of the world at bay, but they don’t exactly stop it either. They just slow it down. The end of the world will happen. We just don’t know when.  _ I can’t see it. ” _

 

“Fire is heat. Dying Will Flame is heat,” Tsunami recall her physics lesson from school. “The laws of thermodynamics are at play here?”

 

“They are,” Luce confirmed. “The Tri-ni-Sette are artefacts linked to the system of the world. To the fabric of time and space. To  _ existence _ itself.” 

 

It is ironic. The Tri-ni-Sette literally put the world on  _ fire _ but ultimately are the very thing that keep it alive. Was it meant to be a cruel joke by Kawahira and Sepira? 

 

“What about the Shimon Rings?” Tsunami is still confused about that. The Shimon Rings are not part of the Tri-ni-Sette. The Shimon Famiglia are the only wielders of the Earth Flames. Kawahira/Checkerface never said anything about them. Neither did Byakuran or Yuni. Enma himself admitted to her in private that he doesn’t know much about them, beyond the stories his father told him when he was a boy.

 

“It was not created by Checkerface and his comrades. It was the humans who found the core of what would be Shimon Rings. The forging was done by humans’ hands. The humans who discovered them were the first head of Shimon and his comrades.”

 

“Cozart,” Tsunami whispers. Enma need to be told. He has the right to know of his family’s history. They only know ever know of Cozart in the context of his relationship with Giotto and Vongola. Vongola’s Sin, Daemon Spade’s machination, the subsequent exile that followed. Cozart’s descendants spent their lives in the shadows. Trying to lay low while their parents whisper tales of betrayal and how they still pay for it. Even when centuries have passed. They live under Vongola’s shadow. 

 

Cozart is not just a friend of Giotto. He is his own person. Enma and his family deserve to carve out a path for themselves that don’t lead back to Vongola. They deserve to write their own story. A life separate from Vongola or Checkerface. He deserve to have his own story told.

 

“We will never know if it’s simply coincidence or Cozart Shimon was fated to discover them. It was after the Shimon Rings came to existence that Cozart’s Flame awakened. Because Earth Flames are not part of the Tri-ni-Sette, Kawahira and Giglio Nero never intervened.” 

 

Tsunami imagine Kawahira get his hands on the Shimon Rings… It bring a chill to her heart. 

 

What goes through Cozart’s mind when he discovered those Rings? Did he thought to use them for good? To follow Giotto’s example? Or did it crossed his mind to leave it alone? You don’t need magic artefacts to commit good deeds. Or evil, for that matter. He did use the Shimon Rings in the end. Guess she just answered her own question.

 

So she move on to the next one.

 

“Speaking of ownership, how did Sepira know what to look for before she hand them over to their next owner? For that matter, how the hell did Cervello get their hands on the Mare Rings in the first place? Those are supposed to be under your Famiglia’s custody.”

 

It come as odd for her. Cervello claimed to work for Timoteo when the Ring Battles took place. Then they appeared again in the bad future as part of the Millefiore. Cervello seem to have a knack to ingratiate themselves to one Famiglia to further their own agenda. Similar to Alejandro who infiltrated various Famiglias through his Gingerbread dolls. 

 

“Let me answer the second question first,” 

 

The Cervello is already around during my time. When I ran a background check on them, I came up empty. When I used my precognition…,” Luce paused.

 

“Luce?”

 

“I saw them with Kawahira.”

 

The cogs turn in her mind. Even though the Cervello are sworn to take no sides, they still act on their own agenda. Tsunami still remember Xanxus’ remark of how the Cervello planned out everything during the Ring Scramble. They must have known that the Sky Ring will reject Xanxus. They are there to ensure that the true blood of Giotto that will receive the Ring. It doesn’t surprise her at all that Cervello answer to Kawahira this entire time.

 

So Kawahira wanted to intervene with the Vongola Rings as well. And since it was the Cervello who possess the Mare Rings in the other timelines, Kawahira must have gotten his hands on them somehow.

 

(Tsunami have long been suspicious of Yuni. If the Mare Rings are under the Giglio Nero’s custody the entire time, how did Byakuran get his hands on them in this timeline?  Byakuran told them that Yuni still come to absolve him after the 100% Completion timeline. It’s not hard to imagine that she give away the Rings at the same time. No wonder Byakuran is more than happy to fight for her.)

 

“Kawahira wanted to take control of the entire Tri-ni-Sette then?”

 

“We can’t rule out that possibility,” Luce said thoughtfully. “Sepira is no longer here. The Giglio Nero had no contact with him since her time, according to the records. He might grow concerned with how the humans handle the Tri-Ni-Sette. So he manipulate events through the Cervello.”

 

Kawahira has his sticky fingers everywhere. It’s easy to do so when you are something like a god. 

 

They all know how dangerous those artifacts are. There is no way Kawahira and Sepira didn’t know their full capability. The Tri-Ni-Sette have the power to control the multiverses, if not shape  _ existence _ itself, if Luce is to be believed.

 

“As for how we look for successors… The Arcobalenos were chosen for their ability to withstand the immense pressure of the Pacifiers. The wielders of the other two set of the Tri-Ni-Sette must possess similar qualities. We look for those whose abilities are… compatible with the Rings. Once they are handed over, the Tri-ni-Sette will bond, for the lack of better word, with their owners.” 

 

“Bond as in through blood?”

 

Luce nods, “Through blood.”

 

Tsunami immediately think of Xanxus. The leader of the Varia is someone who can handle the Ring’s pressure. It’s just that he doesn’t have the right blood. But if they call him the Second Ricardo, then he must be connected to Vongola in some way. Xanxus is much less reluctant than she is. Tsunami would give the Vongola Gear to him in a heartbeat. 

 

But why did Sepira give the Rings to Giotto in the first place? Why not Ricardo? Why Giotto?

 

The Sky Mare Ring allow its wielder to travel to another dimension. According to Shouichi, Byakuran from every universe is (are?) aware of the existence of other universes. Shouichi meeting Byakuran triggered the whole fiasco. Or was it fate? In any case, Byakuran is compatible. 

 

Yuni told them that the Mare Rings chose Byakuran first. It granted him the ability to peer into parallel dimensions.

 

Following that logic, Hyper Intuition was granted to Giotto by the Vongola Ring.

 

Talbot also told them that the Tri-Ni-Sette are sentient. 

 

If Talbot can communicate with these ‘spirits’, Kawahira and Sepira can do the same as well. The spirits only need to order them to bring the Rings to the chosen ones.

 

Tsunami share Luce her theories. She nodded approvingly at Tsunami. “It supports my theory. The heads of Giglio Nero possess innate ability to sense the Tri-Ni-Sette. It probably have something to do with our heritage. We can interfere with it as well.”

 

Tsunami’s eyes narrowed. “What do you mean?”

 

Luce give her a wicked smile. “Just as we can grant it to others, we can take them back as well.”

 

“That means…”

 

_ Aria or Yuni can take the Vongola Rings away. _

 

All these time. Tsunami could have asked Aria or Yuni. They can sever the ties between her and the Vongola Rings. 

 

It was so easy.

 

All these pain. All these tragedies. The amount of blood shed for those stupid rings… 

 

Tsunami laughs. If she doesn’t laugh, she will cry instead. She doubles over, holding her stomach. Eventually she crumple to the floor. “You mean all Xanxus needed to do is to bring those fucking rings to Giglio Nero?!” She doesn’t wait for Luce to answer. “Kawahira can take the Rings anytime he wants! The Ring Battles, the Cradle Affair, my Seal! All for nothing!” 

 

Fucking Tri-ni-Sette. Fucking mafia. Fucking Kawahira. 

 

Fuck everything.

 

* * *

 

Tsunami didn’t pay Luce a single visit for the next few days. She need time before she go see her again. The information is indeed a game changer but Tsunami is dubious about it. Just how much does Yuni knows? Is Luce telling the truth? Is she withholding information from her? Luce was a Donna. She is no doubt familiar with mind games. 

 

Bermuda said it himself. Luce is waiting for something.  _ Waiting for what? _

 

Maybe she will find out. Maybe.

 

Tsunami told Bermuda the discussion she had with Luce. She trust the information about Tri-ni-Sette to the Vindice any day. Better them than Vongola. Giglio Nero cannot be trusted either, not until Tsunami talk to Yuni.

 

She doesn’t necessarily trust Luce as well. Luce may be weak at the moment but she was not chosen as a Sky Arcobaleno without a reason. The woman has more experience than Tsunami. People take one look at Nana’s motherliness, praise it and then see it as the sum of her entire being. Luce- She reminds Tsunami of Nana a bit. The black haired woman play the motherly part well. How many people are fooled by the maternal front Luce put up? What about the other side of Luce?

 

Luce have an advantage over her. It was Tsunami who decided to come to her. By withholding information, Luce force Tsunami to continue her visitation. She might fed her false information. Hyper Intuition should pick up on that.

 

But this is Luce.

 

Chained, weak and barely human. She isn’t supposed to be threatening.

 

Luce still make her wary.

 

Female mafiosos have been underestimated for the course of their lives. Tsunami have struggled to unlearn all the internalised sexism. Maybe she overestimate Luce. That’s still better than lower your guard. Tsunami is careful not to tell Luce too much information about herself. 

 

On her last visit she asked about the Tri-Ni-Sette and it led her to a breakdown. This time Tsunami will not broach the same subject again. Today, it will be all about Luce.

 

Tsunami made preparations in the morning. It’s not much but it will be a good conversation starter. 

 

This time she brought a chair with her. Luce didn’t comment on it when she saw it. 

 

Luce’s eyes widened, and then she close them. “You smell like cookies.”

 

“They told me I can use the staff’s kitchen. And I thought, ‘why not?’” It’s not just that. Tsunami remember Skull telling them how the Arcobalenos first met. Luce defused the situation by offering everyone cookies. That was not the last time she bake pastries for her fellow Arcobalenos. “I am not as skilled as my mother and friends. They are much better at this kind of thing compared to me.” It hurts, to talk about her friends and mother. Tsunami miss them terribly. 

 

“It is one of the things I missed the most,” Luce sighed. “I can spend all day in the kitchen just to bake.” 

 

Good, let’s keep this up. “My friends was the one who taught me. Who taught you?”

 

“No one. I taught myself,” Luce leaned to her pillow. “It’s how I de-stress when things get too much. There was this one time when I put too much bourbon in the...”

 

Luce start to tell her her story. Tsunami listens.

 

* * *

 

Her body hurts. It is a good ache though.

 

Reborn trained her with a deadline in mind. He pushed her beyond her limits so she can catch up with the likes of Xanxus in a short period of time. He carefully set her up to take after Primo. This is how Giotto trained, he would told her when Tsunami complained. She must follow to Primo’s example to a T. Timoteo’s order, most likely. From the get go he had designed to make her Giotto’s clone.

 

Vindice did no such thing. They allow her to grow in her own pace. Small Gia is always eager to teach her how to handle weapons. Jager is in charge of close range combat. Bermuda teach her about Flames.

 

It is not just the Vindice who mentor her.

 

Luce too is teaching her, in a roundabout way. Even in her withered state, her mind stays a steel trap. She give Tsunami an unique insight that only donnas have. Practical knowledge is given to ber as well. Luce told her how it took her a long time to learn to wait for her nail polish to dry first before cleaning your gun. How to put the wire back into your bra after you strangle someone with it. Which brand has the best concealer to cover the hickeys on your neck. 

 

Tsunami can’t help but think of Nana and Aria. Tsunami never had this sort of conversation with her own mother, and likely never will. Luce never had the chance to.

 

A part of her suspect that Luce treat her as some sort of daughter figure. A replacement of Aria. Tsunami had enough fill of being a replacement. Giotto, Timoteo’s dead sons, Sky Arcobaleno.

 

Yet she couldn’t bring herself to tell Luce off. Not when motherhood is what Luce sorely wanted.

 

(A part of her wish Luce is her mother instead.)

 

Tsunami never talk to the human staffs for long. The living have all sorts of things to keep themselves busy. Tsunami is no exception. She keep her distance from them and so are day. Once, she wonder if they whisper about her. She decided on the next second that she doesn’t care. Let them talk if they want to talk. They couldn’t hurt her more than Vongola already did.

 

Tsunami asks. Tsunami listens. Tsunami trains. Tsunami thinks.

 

This is what her life is like inside this world of stone and snow and darkness.

 

She loves it.

 

* * *

__

 

“I never wed,” Luce told her during one of Tsunami’s visits. She didn’t specify if it’s a he or a she. A Beta or an Alpha. No stories of how they met, get to know each other or raising Aria together. Luce was already pregnant when the Arcobaleno first gathered. She didn’t mention anything to them either.

 

_ What happened to them?  _ Tsunami want to ask. The records never tell any details about the mates of Giglio Nero Donnas. Yuni has no idea who her other parent is nor their whereabouts. It’s possible that the girl is too scared to look with her precognition. 

 

Tsunami is almost inclined to believe that the women of Giglio Nero sleep with someone just for their seed. That’s… Tsunami don’t know what to think about that. Giglio Nero Famiglia have a unique position in the mafia. It explain their unique ways as well. Might as well call it Giglio Nero Style. 

 

“Do you have someone, Tsunami-chan?” Luce ask her. 

 

“No,” Tsunami answered quickly. Too quickly. “I don’t know. He was there when I Presented. They say the Omega in me imprinted on him. He’s an Alpha, you see. I tried not to think of him that way. My life is already complicated. I don’t want to make it worse.”

 

“Was he awful towards you?”

 

“No, actually. Bel is… Nice,” Tsunami make a face at that. She never thought that she would use the word ‘nice’ to describe Belphegor. “I won’t say he’s a good person. Bel is… He has his own code. It’s pointless to label him as good or evil. Bel is an Alpha. He never tried to tempt me to have sex with him. Even though the Omega in me wanted to. He held me. I played with his Box Animal. He kept me company. He is pretty much the only thing I can stomach at the time.”

 

“So why didn’t you sleep with him?”

 

“I don’t remember us having sex,” Tsunami’s face reddens at her admission. “Absolutely nothing. When I woke up, I was really confused… And terrified out of my mind. Bel is someone who I can see not giving a damn about consent. He told me that his Alpha side took over him similar to my how Omega side did at the time. I can tell he’s not lying. It still doesn’t make me feel better about the whole situation. It also made me scared to have sex again. What if the same thing happened again? That I can’t remember having sex because the Omega in me hijack my mind? I lost my virginity and I didn’t even remember it happened. What if this is not the first time I woke up not having any memories of doing… Sex? I mean, Reborn tricked me of thinking that I killed someone in my sleep in the past.” She cringed at the memory. “Who knows what else I have done. What others had done to  _ me _ while I was unconscious. I won’t know what’s real and what’s not anymore.”

 

“All my life other people have robbed me of my ability to choose. I don’t want to lose whatever is left.”

 

“Do you miss him?”

 

“I…,” Does an Omega wanting an Alpha counts? That’s just her hormones. Tsunami did miss waking up in Belphegor’s arms, and to breathe in his scent, her hand running through his blonde locks. Those are all physical.

 

Emotionally?

 

“I’m not sure.”

 

Her conversation with Luce earlier left her wondering. Tsunami had tried so hard not to think about the Prince. She already has so much to think about. 

 

When Tsunami lost control after the whole revelation, she rejected him. She can’t imagine that the Alpha in Bel take that nicely. They say it pained an Alpha greatly when an Omega reject them. Although it would explain the frankly impressive amount of restraint Bel demonstrated afterward. His Alpha side don’t want to get rejected again, so he give her the space  she desperately needs. Making sure he didn’t step over her boundaries while taking care of her at the same time. 

 

Now that she reflect upon it, Tsunami can’t deny that Belphegor is a good Alpha. He made sure the medical staff don’t go too far. He always gave her the best bits from his own portion when they have a meal together. Bel made sure the room is blanketed in his scent so she feel safe while he’s away. She overheard him threatening Iemitsu outside the bedroom when the CEDEF Head demand to see her. He never show any sign of annoyance when Tsunami act out. Hell, he is more than happy to lend her his knives when she want to slash Giotto’s portrait back then. 

 

Bel didn’t ask any questions. Not about her aversion with mirrors. Or her refusal to see her Guardians, Reborn and the rest of them. 

 

He doesn’t try to get her to have sex with him again. Tsunami knows he wants to. He would retreat to the bathroom each night to relieve himself. 

 

The Omega in Tsunami was confused and terrified when it surfaced for the first time. Belphegor was there by chance… And it latched onto him. Tsunami can see this turn into an unhealthy relationship. Belphegor could easily take advantage of her in her vulnerable moments. It’s so easy to see him doing that. 

 

Yet he didn’t.

 

Should she take this as a sign that he… Cares about her? Can Belphegor genuinely care for another human being?

 

To her own trepidation, Tsunami admitted to herself that she does care for Belphegor. Hard not to, after everything he had done for her. The young man might be the only one she trusts outside Vendicare. That itself is scary enough. 

 

The question is, how much of it comes from her Omega side? 

 

When Tsunami is suffering from her Heat, it was Belphegor’s name she cried out for. 

 

No, she doesn’t love him. Tsunami barely knew him. She has no reference when it comes to love. Love stories in the mafia more often than not end in tragedy. Iemitsu’s and Nana’s marriage is built upon lies. It is only a matter of time before Ryohei’s lies will poison his relationship with Hana.

 

The princes in fairy tales are pretty boys. Pretty boys who took your breath away and then your life as they steal you from the tower to their kingdom. One prison to another. Just a different shape of cage. 

 

If Belphegor won’t let her fly- Well then- Tsunami want nothing to do with him. 

 

* * *

  
  


The thing about Tri-Ni-Sette is that they don’t know anything about them. The lack of knowledge is not even funny. Tsunami suspect that Kawahira has a hand in this. It is easier to manipulate humans if they don’t know the truth about these artefacts. Talbot spend his ridiculously long life to research the Tri-Ni-Sette and he found little. It is only a matter of time before a second Byakuran to appear and tear the world apart. Vongola is susceptible to the same temptation. A Giglio Nero will get it into her head to reclaim what is ‘rightfully’ theirs. Another fight for Mare Rings or Vongola Gears will break out.

 

It is clear that they need to lay down laws to govern these devices.

 

Kawahira will not live forever.

 

(The Vindice will remain long after he perished. That makes Vindice’ revenge even more sweeter.)

 

The Tri-Ni-Sette will belong to humanity entirely. The Pacifiers will be under the Vindice’s care till the end. No one will be stupid to try to steal them. Well, that’s not entirely true. The mafia have no shortage of idiotic people. 

 

That leaves the Vongola Gears and Mare Rings. Byakuran is the first generation wielder of Mare Rings. What is the guarantee that his descendant won’t pull the same shit that he did? They need an assurance that Gesso Famiglia will not abuse the Rings’ power. 

 

But who can say that the Giglio Nero won’t? Or Kawahira’s descendants? 

 

(Tsunami doesn’t buy Kawahira’s claim that he and Yuni are the last of their species. Kawahira have children. They still pose a threat, even if Kawahira forgot all about them.)

 

Vongola is no saint either. 

 

Another fight over the Tri-Ni-Sette will break out in the future. The cycle never ends.

 

Someone need to break the circle. 

 

But first, they need to understand Tri-Ni-Sette. What is the point of fighting over these stupid knick-knacks if they don’t even know how they work? 

 

As always, Tsunami goes to Luce when she has questions. As always, she find Luce waiting for her. 

 

“Talbot claim that he can hear the souls of Vongola Rings. Does that mean Mare Rings are the same case? Is that what you mean by ‘interfere’? You can communicate with the spirits?” Tsunami asked. 

 

“Yes,” Luce give her the barest nod. “The Mare Rings are quite the chatty bunch, don’t you know?”

 

Huh. Tsunami is unsure what to make of that. “So what do you guys talk about?”

 

“To be completely honest? They like to  _ whine _ . The Mare Rings have been waiting for their rightful owner a long time.”

 

“So… They just told you when they found someone?”

 

“In theory, yes. Then we bring the Rings to the chosen one.”

 

“How do you do it? To ‘interfere’’?”

 

Luce give her an odd look. “You already did, Tsunami-chan.”

 

Tsunami blinks. “What do you mean?”

 

“You know how the Vongola Gears work, yes?”

 

“If you mean Giotto altering its form, then yes. They said I can speak with my predecessors as well. Or their wills to be exact. But it happened only once.”

 

“Are you sure about that? It was you who transformed the Ring to the Vongola Gear. It was you who turned it back to its raw form as well.”

 

Her mouth went dry. Tsunami remember vividly how the Vongola Gear turned to stone. “I thought it rejected me.”

 

“If the Vongola Gear is rejecting you, you will be feeling it. Xanxus got hurt when the Ring rejected him.”

 

“So why…”

 

“You know why.”

 

Tsunami stiffens. She can deny it as much as she want but the truth cannot be changed. The Vongola Gear is not the problem here. It was her. She can no longer- No, that’s not true. She had no desire to sustain the Sky Gear. That’s why it reverted back to its raw form.

 

Yet the connection is still there. She can feel it. She will know if the connection is truly broken. 

 

That’s what convinced Timoteo to appoint her as the successor after all. His connection with the Ring had failed. It is not something that can be put to words. 

 

Tsunami can still feel the connection, even now.

 

What happens if the connection is truly broken then? Is that when the Giglio Nero comes in? They just take the rings away? And wait for the next worthy bearers? Just like that?

 

“How do I speak with the Gear’s spirit then? I don’t want to summon Giotto or the other bosses by accident.” 

 

“Why, it’s simple,” Luce smiles. “You ask them nicely.”

 

“And I just ask them to break the connection?”

 

“I did the same to my Pacifier,” Luce’s hand reach for her empty neck. “It says no. Be prepared for that.”

 

“I just need to be convincing then.”

 

* * *

 

Tsunami waited for the right moment to ask. Bermuda is a busy man. She decided to pop the question at the end of their training session, when it was Bermuda’s.

 

“I have a request.”

 

Bermuda stays silent, urging her to continue.

 

“Is it okay if I take Luce outside for some fresh air?”

 

Everyone in the room stopped what they’re doing. They all turn to stare at her. 

 

“And why,” Bermuda’s voice is eerily calm, “should I allow that?”

 

“I know you’re suspicious of Luce but can you tell me any legitimate offence Luce had done? What law did she break?”

 

“She betrayed her fellow Arcobalenos.”

 

Loyalty is a serious issue among the holders of the Tri-ni-Sette. Even Verde, who have no qualms of using his fellow Arcobalenos for his experiment, never betrayed them when it matters.

 

“If you want to talk about betrayal, Daemon Spade and Byakuran are champions on that front. Yet the two of them were allowed to walk under the sun. Luce has the Flame of Night. If she want to leave, she is perfectly capable to do so. Luce will still be here within Vendicare territory. I will be there to accompany her. You can put a chain and ball on her, if that makes you feel better.”

 

“Sawada Tsunami.”

 

_ “It’s Christmas.”  _

 

The others look back and forth between the two Skies. Sawada Tsunami is openly  _ pouting _ . It’s undignified. Bermuda’s eyes are fixated to his student’s brown ones. The silent battle of wills last for a half of minute until Bermuda let out a sigh.

 

“Thirty minutes. Full Flame absorbent restraints. Two guards. You sort out the library for the rest of the month.”

 

“Deal,” She close the distance between them to kiss Bermuda on the cheek. 

 

After Tsunami left the room, Jager speak up. “Are you sure this is wise?”

 

“No,” answered Bermuda plainly. “But just as the young lady said, it’s Christmas.”

 

* * *

 

Cosmo burrowed itself in the scarf Tsunami wrap around Luce’s neck. The undead no longer feel the cold (among other things) but Tsunami insist for Luce to wear her scarf. Two Vindice guards stalk them from behind like ghosts. Bermuda and Jager are waiting for them at the entrance. 

 

Luce have been strapped in a straightjacket, ankles chained and half of her face is covered by a Hannibal Lecter mask. Anymore than this will be overkill. 

 

“Good morning, Bermuda,” Luce greeted her fellow former Arcobaleno warmly, as if he never put her in isolation for decades. 

 

“You have thirty minutes,” Jager announced. The doors swing open automatically. 

 

The snowfall is heavier in winter. They have to send someone to clear out the snow before sunrise. Every corner is covered in white.

 

The world hush in silence as Tsunami push the wheelchair. It’s almost as if the world put itself in a pause. No one spoke for awhile. 

 

She sees Luce’s shoulders tremble. This is the first time Luce gone outside since forever. Who knows what sort of thoughts crossing her mind right now. It would be even sweeter if Luce is not restrained right now. She should be allowed to touch the snow. To make snowballs or snow angels. To breath in the winter air without any short of cover on your face.

 

_ ‘Lambo always drag us outside to have a snowball war,’  _ The thought of the child make her heart hurt. It is another thing Luce have been deprived of: the chance to be there for your family. She never get to play in the snow with Aria.

 

Oh, crap. Luce is seriously crying. 

 

Tsunami put her hand on her shoulder. It’s the best she can do. The straitjacket made it impossible for her to hold hands.

 

This is also the first time Tsunami touched Luce. Maybe even the first time Luce receive physical contact in years (not counting the time they restrained her). 

 

Bermuda won’t let Luce outside again after this. Tsunami doesn’t even need to ask. She knows. It will be cruel to Luce, to return to that dark dungeon. To give her a small taste of the outside world before locking her away once more. 

 

_ What is it that holding you back? _

 

Thirty minutes gone by. They returned to Luce’s dungeon. The guards left as soon as they took everything off Luce. 

 

“Merry Christmas,” Tsunami don’t know what else to say.

 

“It’s Christmas?” Luce blinked. “How time flies… Is this your gift to me?”

 

Tsunami nodded. “I apologize if it brings you pain instead.”

 

“Oh, no. I do feel melancholic but it’s not bad. I really like it.” Luce smiled. “That is very thoughtful of you.”

 

And then Luce whisper her a secret.

 

* * *

 

Let’s go back to the ladies once again.

 

This time, let’s talk about how these ladies handle life in the mafia.

 

Bianchi is born into it. So is her mother and the mother before her. She revels in the bloodshed. Bianchi wanted a romance like Bonnie and Clyde. Ride or Die. She want the adrenaline, the grit, the destruction. There is a reason why she never come home to her family. They wanted a refined daughter. Bianchi is  _ done _ being a pretty doll. Her current lifestyle suits her better. 

 

Like Bianchi, the daughters of Giglio Nero are born into it. Yuni wasn’t told from the start. She found out when her precognition ability awakened. Tsunami is not sure if this is one of Giglio Nero’s tradition. Yuni take everything in stride. 

 

Lal Mirch didn’t signed up for it. She signed her name on a piece of paper the day she joined the military. Tsunami don’t exactly know what happened. How she fell into the mafia. But it happened and Lal Mirch had no choice but to stay. Like a champ, she battled her way to the top. She  _ survived _ .

 

Nana is ignorant. Everyone keep her in the dark because it’s convenient. She has no skill set to offer, aside from cooking and host Vongola personnel in town that day.

 

Lavinia had the misfortune to find out. She was dragged in so deep that the only way she can cut off her ties completely is through death. And she did, albeit not by her own hands.

 

Chrome stayed because everyone she loves are in the mafia. She will never take the opportunity to escape, because why would she? She wanted nothing to do with the people in her old life. Back when she refer to herself as Nagi. 

 

Elena died before she can see what a monster Vongola become. A blessing in disguise.

 

No one asked them if they wanted this life.

 

Tsunami tried to escape. And failed. 

 

What about Luce then?

 

“Do you ever wonder?” Tsunami asked her, “How different your life will be if it weren’t for your heritage?”

 

“It is not something that you can run away from.” Luce answered calmly.

 

“No?” Tsunami respond mildly. “Then why are you still here, Luce?”

 

_ What are you waiting for? _

 

“I have a duty.”

 

“To what?”

 

“Fate.”

 

_ What about Aria? What about your comrades?  _

 

Tsunami swallowed those words. She had no right to judge her on that front. Not when she abandoned her own friends. It might not be intentional, but Tsunami isn’t too concerned with how they perceive her disappearance. 

 

“I don’t even need Hyper Intuition to tell that you’re lying.” Tsunami said instead. “You’ve been dead for longer than you’ve been alive. You definitely have done some reminiscing.”

 

_ What the hell are you doing here _ , she wants to say. Luce could go anywhere if she wanted to. The only reason Luce is imprisoned here is because Luce let them. If physical body is an issue, Luce can hijack one like Daemon Spade did. 

 

“Fate? What about your duty as a mother? To Aria? You could have watch her from afar. It’s not too late to reveal yourself to Yuni.” The little girl would love to meet her grandmother. “Duty as the Sky Arcobaleno? The system have been torn down. You can join Sensei and the others if you still wish to protect the Tri-Ni-Sette.”

 

There must be  _ something _ . Luce must have  _ want  _ so badly that she is willing to wait this long, to rot, to be forgotten. 

 

“Damnit, Luce,” Tsunami run a hand through her hair when the older woman still doesn’t answer. “What are you so afraid of?”

 

“Why are you so adamant in asking?” Luce asked back. “Why aren’t you satisfied yet?” The crack in her voice didn’t go unnoticed by Tsunami.

 

“Because I  _ fucking _ care,” Tsunami hissed. “The world outside is shit, but we still try to make it. By God, did we make it. We are such a disaster of a species. It’s honestly a wonder why we haven’t migrated en masse to Mars because how badly we treat each other. Do I need a reason to care in the first place? Fucking hell, Luce, you couldn’t even see when someone trying to be decent to you.” Tsunami slumped her shoulders. “I want to understand you, Luce. I want to hear your opinions. I want to hear your side of the story. Too often the world painted us in the way they want to see us without stopping to think that maybe we have our own ideas.  _ It’s not fair . _ ”

 

“It’s-“

 

“If you’re going to say this is the way things are or fate, I’m leaving.”

 

“Look,” Tsunami started again. Her tone gentler this time. “We did nothing but talk in these past months. You told me many things but never the reason why you’re still here. I want to help you, Luce. But I can’t do that unless you tell me.”

 

There she goes again. Helping people. Only this time it’s different. There are no Reborn pulling the strings in the background. No teenagers need to be saved from their own mistakes. No cleaning up after someone else’s messes. Tsunami was forced to help because there were no one else. Because it was expected of her. She is Sawada Tsunami, kind and generous and warm and  _ gullible _ .

 

This Tsunami is bitter and scared and angry and  _ inquisitive _ .

 

She want answers. She will get her answers.

 

Luce goes quiet. Her blue eyes unblinking. Tsunami meet her stare. Has her words reach her?

 

Her heart jump to her throat when Luce open her mouth.

 

“My mother always remind me of my duty. She never specified what it entail. I grew up clinging to something I don’t fully understand. I thought that was the way things are. How things should be. I ended up relying on my precognition too much,” Something flicker in her eyes. It was too quick for Tsunami to identify. “I spent my whole life making sure my visions come true. I used them as my guide. I slept with Aria’s father because I saw him in a vision. I killed because I saw my victims die by my hands. I led my Famiglia to an ambush- to their deaths- because I had a vision of it. I know they will die and I  made _ sure _ it happened. I did so many unforgivable acts in the name of fate. Because it was my duty.”

 

“When I breathed my last, I thought I finally fulfilled my destiny. But- I was wrong. I stumbled just before I crossed the finish line. And now I’m here,” She lift an arm. Chains jingle softly from the movement. “I lost my ability to see the future. And for the first time in my life, I don’t know what to do _. _ ”

 

Luce looked… Vulnerable. This is the first time Tsunami see her look so… Lost.  _ God. That is not a way one should live. _

 

“It took me decades of rotting in the darkness before I finally realised. Why I’m still here. Why I didn’t perish.

 

I’ve done what I had been born to. I fulfilled my destiny. Now I just want to  _ live _ .”

 

_ Oh, Luce _

 

“But I can’t!” Luce slam her fist to the headboard. “Even if I leave this wretched place, where will I go? What can I do? I known nothing but duty. I don’t have duty to answer to anymore. I have… Nothing left.”

 

_ What about Yuni? Your mate? Or the Giglio Nero? The Arcobalenos? _

 

_ You love them, don’t you? _

 

“I resigned myself to wait for the end of the world, along with the Vindice. That I must wait for a little longer. Or so I thought. And then you entered the picture.”

 

“What?”

 

“You were nothing more than a useless whelp. Sealed, stupid and ignorant,” Luce scoffed.

 

Tsunami begin to tremble. Luce’s expression have changed. One moment ago she looked at her with sadness. Now she look at her with resentment. It’s a complete 180. Tsunami would say it’s uncharacteristic of Luce. She never expected for this conversation to take such drastic turn.  _ Is this your true self? _

 

“But then you did something I never thought possible.  _ You changed fate. _ I saw you die in the hands of that bastard boy but you lived! You saved the Arcobalenos. Why? Why couldn’t you come to my rescue sooner? I would still be alive! Why?!  _ Why are you allowed to live?! _ ”

 

“How dare you?!” Tsunami stood up. “How dare you blame me?! I never asked to be a saviour! It was not my job to save you!” 

 

“But you could be,” Luce growled. Suddenly, she smiled. _“_ _ But you could be. ” _ It is not a nice smile. The expression Luce wear chill Tsunami to the bone.

 

“Let’s trade places then. Give me your body You don’t want this body, don’t you? You don’t want this life. Give it to me.” Luce reach out to her.

 

“No!” Tsunami back away. 

 

Hyper Intuition is  _ screaming  _ at her to get away. But it was too late. Black envelope her vision. 

 

Luce is on top of her. Her hands wrapped around her neck like claws. A black portal opened behind her. She must have used her Flame of the Night! 

 

“You wanted to die,” Luce said sweetly. “I’ll help you. In exchange, you’ll give me your body!” 

 

_ Like Daemon Spade. _

 

How did she get free?! The chains supposed to suppress her Flames!

 

A flash of brown move at the corner. 

 

_ Cosmo _

 

The animal must have chewed through the bindings. The fact that he did it in such short notice without getting caught is baffling. 

 

Tsunami grab hold of Luce’s wrist and  _ tighten _ .

 

The bones crack under her grip.

 

Immediately the pressure on her throat is lifted.

 

Luce is nothing more than a rotting corpse. Tsunami is a young - _ living-  _ woman who trained under Reborn, Lal Mirch and Bermuda. 

 

Luce never stood a chance.

 

Tsunami reach inside her and bring it forth. 

 

Luce’s screams will haunt her dreams forever. Tsunami kick her off and roll away. Luce crumple on the floor, still screaming. Tsunami press her back against the wall. She is unable to take her eyes away from the burning woman.

 

“Why you?!” Luce’s blue eyes trained on her. “Why couldn’t it be me?!”

 

_ I trusted you _

 

Tsunami have been the one to come to her. Luce may be the one who lured her in, but it was her choice to come. Tsunami confided in her, listened to her, cared for her. She gave her sunlight. And then Luce tried to kill her.

 

She doesn’t get to have the final say.

 

Ignoring the pain around her throat, Tsunami straighten her back. “You gave up first.” She tells her without mercy.

 

The world move in slow motion as Luce roll onto her back. 

 

And then she was no more.

 

Bermuda, Jager and a couple members of Vindice arrive just in time to see Luce’s body turn to ash. They all turn to her. No words needed.

 

_ What just happened? _

 

* * *

 

Tsunami barely pay attention to Bermuda as he tell her that the squirrel died as well. Animal partners of Arcobalenos are fated to die together with their owners. What does it matter? Luce tried to kill her. Tsunami almost died. She can still feel Luce’s fingers around her throat. 

 

Luce wanted to be saved. That’s the only reason why she tolerated her this long. When she sensed that she won’t get what she want, Luce easily turned on her. Just when Tsunami thought they have build camaraderie. 

 

Others only pay attention to Tsunami when they wanted something from her. After they are saved by her. 

 

Saved Gokudera from his own bombs. Saved Yamamoto from falling. Saved Fuuta by the mafia. Saved Namimori from Mumuro. Saved the multiverses from Byakuran. Saved the Arcobalenos. 

 

_ Save, save, save, SAVE _

 

Doesn’t she deserve to be saved too?

 

They pretend to pledge their devotions to her when she suit their needs. No one listened for her cry for her. They heard her all right, and then chose to ignore it. 

 

_ It’s not fair. _

 

“Tsunami,” Bermuda lay a hand on her shoulder.

 

Tsunami shrug him off. She pull the covers over her head. “Don’t you have a Tri-Ni-Sette to watch over?”

 

Bermuda couldn’t afford to care for her anymore than this. He mustn’t. It’s all fine and dandy when they play mentor and student, but Tsunami is not important. Nothing is more important than the Tri-Ni-Sette.

 

So why didn’t Kawahira or Cervello try to take the Vongola Rings away when Future Tsunami destroyed them? 

 

Ugh, another mystery. A puzzle that will never be dissolved now that Luce’s gone.

 

It irks her to no end that Tsunami still cares. 

 

“Am I not allowed to be concerned for my student?” Bermuda asked. 

 

“Love have done nothing but hurt me,” Tsunami said bitterly. She doesn’t even know if love is the appropriate term here.

 

Tsunami is like clay. Shaped by Reborn’s training, forged by conflicts that never seems to end and ultimately shattered to pieces by Timoteo’s and Iemitsu’s careless treatment. 

 

She had been filled with fear, violence, ambition, secrets, desperation but never love. Nana’s love don’t count because it is not a good kind of love. Iemitsu don’t count as well because he loves her and Nana like toys. They are the pieces he need to have so he can play house and call it family.

 

The cracks get bigger and bigger. Is it any surprise when the whole thing breaks? 

 

Timoteo wanted her to transform the monster that is Vongola to be… Something else. Like Belle who transformed the Beast back to his original form with the power of True Love. 

 

When she didn’t turn out like he wanted, he was confused.

 

What did he think will happen? When they tried to turn her to become like them. 

 

_ A monster _

 

Tsunami have no idea what love supposed to be like. What true love should be.

 

How can she love others when she herself can’t recognise what it is?

 

Maybe it’s always been her destiny to be unlovable.

 

Who in their right mind would love Dame Tsuna?

 

“Tsunami,” Bermuda’s voice bring her back to the present. “I’m sorry.” 

 

She doesn’t reply.

 

“I’m sorry for what the world did this to you. You are only a child. You’re not even twenty yet.”

 

“Age doesn’t matter in the mafia.”  _ Or the world. _

 

“No,” Bermuda agreed. “I was not much older than you when I had my first kill. I was turned before I see my twentieth birthday.”

 

Tsunami lift the covers. 

 

“My father was not a good man,” The way his eyes dimmed is so familiar to her. It made her heart hurt. “It was so easy to hate him. It was even easier to hate myself. Especially when the world hate you already.”

 

_ I know. I know. I know what that feels like. _

 

“When Checkerface had my comrades killed, it’s not inaccurate to say I died along with them. Yet I still remained. Because my Flame of the Night have awakened. I swore an oath to set Checkerface’s body on fire. I remained because I love. That is what makes Luce so different compared to us.”

 

Tsunami lick her dry lips. “What do you mean?”

 

“The answer lies inside you, Tsunami,” Bermuda pat her hand. Tsunami don’t balk from the touch. “They said love and hate are governed by the same cortex in the brain.” He pulls away. “I believe in you.”

 

He walk out the door and Tsunami is all alone. 

 

* * *

 

What does Bermuda mean by that? Luce is different from them? By them, does he mean himself and Tsunami? Even Daemon Spade? 

 

Daemon Spade was a mad man. 

 

The four of them couldn't be anymore different. They are all involved in the mafia one way or another but that is where the similarities end.

 

Is it?

 

What about Tsunami then?

 

Why is  _ she _ still here?

 

Why is she still alive?

 

She should have died a long time ago. Either from the Seal or the enemy. Luce foresaw her death by Xanxus’ hand. Tsunami is not so keen to believe her though.

 

If she had been pretending all this time, everything she said must be taken with a grain of salt.

 

Tsunami considered it for a long moment. Precognition is an important part of Luce. She build her entire identity ( _ her life _ ) around it. She would never lie about her predictions.

 

Tsunami shouldn’t have lived past fifteen.

 

If Timoteo’s sons never died… If Reborn never come along… The Seal will consume her and leave her an empty husk. Literally.

 

Tsunami is born to die.

 

A certain madness grab hold of her and Tsunami giggles. It turn to a full blown laughter. Tears run down from her face. 

 

She is so  _ tired _ .

 

Can they just let her rest already? She saved the goddamned world from a madman. Tsunami deserved to take a fucking nap. A nap that she doesn’t need to wake up to. The world will keep spinning without her. 

 

Tsunami drag herself out of the bed. She put the Teddy Bear Alejandro gifted to her all those months ago on her spot, before folding the blanket.

 

She points to the empty space in front of her. Not a moment later, a whirlpool of black Flames appear before her.

 

Tsunami truly didn’t know she had it in her until the day she fell. Not that it surprises her really. It’s impossible to turn back after you were in the abyss that long. 

 

_ ‘Properly, this time.’ _

 

Tsunami step into the whirlpool.

 

* * *

 

Tsunami is falling.

 

The wind is biting her skin. Her hair keep getting on her face. Tsunami couldn’t bring herself to care. She twist her body. The sky will be the last thing she see.

 

So it come to this.

 

The mafia are so stupid. They actually thought that Tsunami will stay the same after her battle with Bermuda. When she told everyone that she was in the same state as Bermuda when he created the 8th Flame Attribute. Tsunami said that her will is born from hope but she never said that it was easy.

 

You don’t walk away unscathed from that.

 

It’s impossible to go back. 

 

How do you put all these weight on a 13 years old girl and expect her not to break?

 

All of this feel so sudden. 

 

But then, so was Luce.

 

They never stood a chance from the start, do they?

  
  


-

  
  
  


_ “I’m sorry.” _

  
  
  
  


_ - _

 

 

 

Tsunami focus on the soft blue of the sky. Let her catch a glimpse of heaven. She deserve this. She want all the comfort all the world has to offer for her final moments. 

 

Did her future self felt like this before they put her to sleep? Not knowing if her plan would work? That there is a real possibility that she will never wake up?

 

-

  
  


 

 

_ “I’m so proud of you.”  _

  
  
  


_ - _

  
  


Did that Tsunami made it back?

 

Did she wake up at all?

 

Did she want to come back to life?

 

Did she get her justice, in the end?

  
  


-

  
  


 

 

 

_ ‘What about MY justice?’  _

 

Tsunami deserve justice. Future and Present Tsunami. Both of them. 

 

Will she really let it end like this?

 

Elena, Lavinia, Luce, Yuni, Lal Mirch, Nana, Kyouko, Haru, Aria, Bluebell. All the women and children. 

 

They all deserve justice.

 

And…

  
  


 

 

 

-

  
  


_ “No matter what others said, you are not Dame.” _

  
  


-

  
  
  


 

 

 

Not Dame Tsuna

 

Tsunami

  
  


 

 

 

 

_ - _

  
  


 

 

 

Something rise in her chest.

 

It’s warm.

  
  
  


 

 

 

-

  
  
  


_ “I hope you are happy- or content- I hope you’re okay now. Wherever you are.” _

  
  
  


_ - _

  
  
  


 

 

She want…

 

What did she want again?

  
  
  


 

 

-

  
  
  
  


_ “I hope you get your justice.” _

  
  
  


-

  
  


 

 

Tsunami’s eyes snap open.

 

When did she close them?

 

Where is she?

 

What is she doing again?

 

She’s falling?

  
  


 

 

 

-

  
  
  
  
  
  


Tsunami take the warmth in her chest and bring it forward.

 

Orange coloured flames cover her body.

 

Gravity shifts.

  
  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

Tsunami is rising.

 

_ (She breathes) _

  
  
  
  


 

_ - _

 

Bermuda have been living with her for months now. Observed her for even longer.

 

Sawada Tsunami never cease to surprise him.

 

He attributed her slow -but steady- change to Reborn. The World’s Greatest Hitman (of this generation) is the catalyst. But that’s not all. It was Sawada Tsunami herself that carried out the change. She transformed-

 

No

 

That’s wrong.

 

The potential have always been there. Tsunami is a diamond in the rough. Timoteo of Vongola committed a great sin for sealing Tsunami’s flames.

 

Power, wealth, charisma. Vongola have all of those in spades. But they lack one thing. Tsunami have it.

 

Gentleness

 

It take a rare kind of strength to be gentle. To be soft in a world that push you to be hard. Even after years of abuse, Tsunami stay gentle. Only a fool name gentleness as weakness.

 

Xanxus is powerful and that is how he measure everything.

 

Timoteo hide behind the Vongola name. 

 

Byakuran went overboard with the power the Mare Ring grant to him. 

 

Luce was over dependant with her ability and couldn't function without it.

 

Giotto, no matter how noble his intentions, was arrogant. 

 

Bermuda draw his strength from hatred, and that’s where his limit lie.

 

Tsunami suffered. Tsunami endured. Tsunami survived.

 

She become strong through her own effort.

 

She is also strong enough to let go of power. 

 

This world need more people like her. 

 

Sawada Tsunami descend from the sky looking like an apparition. A girl-bird made out of fire. 

 

The girl land right in front of him. Her legs gave out almost immediately. Bermuda catch her on time.

 

_ She’s alive. _

 

“Tsunami-“

 

“I get it now. What you say about Luce. The difference between her and us. Daemon Spade loved Elena. He loved Giotto and Vongola. You loved your comrades. I love my friends. I wanted love. I’ve seen what love is. We know of love. Luce never knew that. Luce never loved. I don’t think she ever loved herself either.” 

 

Bermuda pull back so he can see her face. Tears are threatening to spill out from her eyes.

 

“I’m here. I chose to remain. I want to be here. I believed that I was unlovable. I want someone to love me. I never thought- That someone could be me.”

 

“I’m so happy for you,” Bermuda cup her face. “Promise me one thing.”

 

“Anything.”

 

“Don’t ever pull a stunt like that ever again. I almost had a heart attack and I’m already dead.”

 

The sound of Tsunami’s laughter is easily the sweetest sound Bermuda heard in a millennia. 

 

* * *

 

She inform Bermuda that she will go. She will return to the world outside. There will be reckoning. Vongola will demand answers. It will get ugly real quick.

 

Tsunami already knew that.

 

And this time, she is going to fight back.

 

She is going to win.

 

If Tsunami can get angry on behalf of her alternate self… Then she can get angry for her own sake as well.

 

She can finally name the heat in her chest.

 

It’s not Dying Will.

 

_ Righteous fury _

 

The second Tsunami identify that feeling, everything become clear. 

 

She can’t leave just yet. Not when whatever fragments that remain inside her demand payback.

 

She had fought and bled and sacrificed for the sake of others. Now it’s time to fight for  _ hers _ .

 

Bermuda is right once again.

 

Her teacher  _ preened  _ when Tsunami told him that. 

 

“Whatever you need, Tsunami, don’t hesitate to ask. You will always be welcomed here.” Bermuda take her hand. “You changed the world once. You can do it again as many time you want to. My dear, you are better than every single one of us.”

 

His confidence in her make her want to cry again. Instead Tsunami kiss him on the cheek.

 

After Bermuda, everyone take their turn to say their goodbye. Big Pino almost snapped her spine from hugging too tight.

 

“Tear Vongola apart,” Small Gia says cheerfully.

 

Tsunami grins.

 

* * *

 

Belphegor doesn’t look shocked when Tsunami waltz into his bedroom. Surprised, yes, but not shocked. It’s as if he has faith in her. That wherever she is, Tsunami is fine. And that she will return one day. 

 

“You’re here,” Belphegor say softly.

 

“I’m here,” Tsunami agrees.

 

“You sure took your sweet time. The peasants are running like headless chickens searching for you.”

 

“Did they.”

 

“It was funny as hell.” He start to walk towards her.

 

“I bet,” She step forward. “I realised that there are some things I need to take care of first.”

 

“And what are those things?”

 

They are standing really close now. 

 

“It’s a long list and it might get longer. I don’t know how long it will take me to sort all of it.  I will be here for awhile.”

 

“Am I in the list?”

 

“Yes, and you’re pretty high on the top priority list.”

 

“Of course I do. I am the prince~”

 

Tsunami simply hummed. 

 

“So? When do you want to start?”

 

“The list can wait until tomorrow,” Tsunami place a hand on his chest. “I want to confirm something first.”

 

“Heee,” He wraps an arm around her waist and pull her close. “And what is that something?”

 

“I have no idea, to be completely honest,” Tsunami admitted. “All I know is that it has something to do with you.”

 

Her answer seem to amuse him even more. “What do you want to do with me?” Bel asks her.

 

“This.”

 

Tsunami tiptoes and press her lips against Belphegor’s.

* * *

 

 

_ Who can love a monster? _

_ (Another monster, perhaps.) _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's only until recently I had a depressive episode. I don't want to get in too deep when writing the falling scene for the sake of my own mental health. I apologise.


	4. iv. burn part one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> List of Characters and their Secondary Genders:
> 
> Tsunami: Omega  
> Gokudera: Alpha  
> Yamamoto: Beta  
> Ryohei: Alpha  
> Hibari: Alpha  
> Chrome: Omega   
> Mukuro: Omega  
> Lambo: Beta
> 
> Xanxus: Beta  
> Squalo: Alpha  
> Belphegor: Alpha  
> Lussuria: Omega  
> Mammon: Beta  
> Levi: Beta
> 
> Luce: Beta  
> Reborn: Beta  
> Colonello: Alpha  
> Lal Mirch: Omega  
> Fon: Alpha  
> Verde: Beta  
> Skull: Omega
> 
> Iemitsu: Beta  
> Nana: Beta  
> Basil: Beta  
> Timoteo: Beta

Squalo spit out his coffee when Belphegor waltz into the dining room with Sawada Tsunami by his side. 

 

“VOOOOOOOOI????!!!!!!!”

 

Across the table, his fellow Varia Commanders show various degrees of shock. Levi is gaping. Mammon float to get a better look. Lussuria look downright ecstatic. 

 

Xanxus look up from his meal to stare at the Heiress thought long lost, who is now looking cozy in his Storm’s arms. She is wearing his shirt. On her, it looked more like an oversized dress. Tsunami have to roll up the sleeves. Even a blind man can see that they have been fucking. 

 

Belphegor take his seat first before pulling Tsunami onto his lap. He starts to cut his meal, setting aside the best bits for the female on his lap.

 

Squalo slammed his fist against the table. All thought of breakfast now forgotten. “What the actual fuck?!” He points his sword at Tsunami. “Where the fuck have you been?!”

 

Tsunami look at the fuming swordsman. “Away.”

 

“YOU’VE BEEN MIA FOR SIX FUCKING MONTHS!” Squalo screamed. 

 

“Vongola exhausted every resource available looking for you. Our allies are looking for you as well. We even hired outsiders,” Mammon said sourly. “Do you know how expensive that is?”

 

“I guess you didn’t look hard enough,” Tsunami answered blasely. Belphegor snorts in amusement. 

 

Before either Squalo and Mammon can say anything else, Lussuria beat them to it. “When did you get back?”

 

“Last night.”

 

“And you went straight to Bel’s place?”

 

“Yup.”

 

“Are you two a thing now?”

 

Tsunami look at Belphegor. He look straight back at her. 

 

She smiles. “Yes.”

 

Belphegor lean forward to nuzzle her neck. 

 

Lussuria let out a squee. Levi mutters something under his breath. Squalo, however, is not having it. 

 

“WHERE WERE YOU?!” He yelled. “We asked the Giglio Nero to help us with the search! Yuni can’t see you!”

 

“Yuni may be able to see the future, but it doesn’t mean that she’s all knowing,” Tsunami said without looking up from her coffee. “Case in point, Kawahira.”

 

Squalo let out a yell of frustration. “ _ God-fucking-damnnit!  _ How the fuck did you get in here then?!”

 

Tsunami turn to Belphegor. “They haven’t figured it out yet?”

 

“Nope.”

 

She shot Squalo a pitiful look. “Now that’s just  _ sad _ .”

 

Squalo climb over the table. “You little-“

 

_ CHINK _

 

Squalo narrowly avoided a knife thrown his way. He zeroed on Belphegor, whose lips pressed to a thin line. He had an arm wrapped protectively around Tsunami. 

 

Tsunami is not in great danger per se. Squalo swing and points his sword at people all the time. The Varia don’t give a shit about Secondary Gender. Either you are a target, a client, an ally or a third party. 

 

(That being said, they are extremely protective of each other. They said Xanxus won Lussuria’s loyalty when he killed some prick back in mafia school when he insulted the Muay Thai practitioner for ‘not being Omega enough.’ Whatever that means. Xanxus always claim that he offed the guy because the trash woke him up from his nap with his yap.)

 

The Varia will not hire someone who buckle the second the target’s scent hit them. They’re the ones who set up  _ the _ standard. So of course Squalo will not hesitate.

 

Tsunami knows that Squalo only wanted to intimidate her. He knows that she knows. At most the sword will stop right before her nose. Squalo is too skilled to accidentally graze her.

 

Belphegor knows this.

 

They fought on an almost daily basis.

 

Still doesn’t stop him to throw that knife as a warning. And he certainly doesn’t need to leak killing intent. 

 

But

 

Squalo (an Alpha) had come at her (an Omega) with his weapon brandished. Belphegor ( _ her _ Alpha) did what any good Alpha will do and come to her defense.

 

Tsunami sip her coffee. She stole a glance at Xanxus. He ignores the Alpha standoff before him in favour of his steak.

 

A moment passed. Squalo fish out his phone out of his pocket. “Fuck it. It’s too early for this,” He grumbled under his breath. 

 

_ “Hello? Squalo?” _

 

“Yamamoto Takeshi, your Sky is here. Come fetch her.”

 

**_“WHAT???!!!!”_ **

 

Squalo hold his phone away from his ear. “Just get your ass over here!” He disconnects the call. “You still owe us some explanations,” Squalo grumble some more before he gets off the table. She feel Belphegor relax.

 

Once Squalo is seated, Lussuria speak up, “Tsunami darling, do you have anything else to wear?”

 

“No, not really.” 

 

It’s either the clothes she wore when she got back from Vendicare or Belphegor’s shirts. Tsunami is not too concerned. The Prince have seen everything.

 

Lussuria clap his hands. “Then let’s go shopping~”

 

Tsunami blinked in surprise. “Really? Right now?”

 

“Honey, don’t get me wrong. That shirt looks great on you-“ She can hear Belphegor purr, “-but you need more than that to survive winter.”

 

Lussuria got a point. Tsunami can’t stay in Belphegor’s room all the time until winter end. She will have to interact with other people sooner and later. That means clothes. 

 

“Okay,” Tsunami agrees. 

 

Lussuria let out another squeal. This can take a while. 

 

Eh, her Guardians waited for months already. They can wait for a few more hours.

 

“So where are you staying?” Squalo ask once he calmed down.

 

It’s a legit question. Due to her status as the official successor, Tsunami must stay at the Iron Fortress. However, there is a chance that she will have to stay with Belphegor for convenience’s sake.

 

A fact that she is more than happy to take advantage of.

 

“My Heat schedule is still all over the place,” Tsunami inform everyone in the table. It wasn’t as bad as before, but her body still need time to adjust. Which reminds her, she need to go see the medics to discuss birth control. “Belphegor stayed with me last time so I thought I should be the one staying with him this time around.”

 

Squalo let out a snarl,  _“ Oh, hell no. _ If you two want to play house, do it elsewhere!”

 

“Oh, just let it go, Squ.” Lussuria wave his hand dismissively. “Aren’t you happy that Belphegor finally found someone?” He turned to Tsunami. “Bel can be a handful but you already knew that. As for you, Bel,” his tone turn from friendly to sharp. “You better treat her right.”

 

Belphegor smiles lazily. “Who do you take me for? I’m a prince~”

 

Belphegor’s hand rest on the small of her back.

 

It felt right.

 

* * *

 

It turns out that when Lussuria said they will go shopping, he meant  _ online _ shopping.

 

Which,  _ fair _ . She did disappeared for six months. Not to mention she can go to heat at random. They can’t risk letting Tsunami go to public places just for that.

 

She and Lussuria huddle together on the couch. Tsunami holding up the tablet while Lussuria scroll down the page. All her purchases will be put in Belphegor’s account. 

 

Belphegor had to leave her after breakfast but not before he introduced her to his household. These men and women who have served the royal family for years. They are essentially his primary caretakers since birth. They answer exclusively to Belphegor. The Prince brought them along when he joined the Varia because it’s more convenient. The Varia in turn tolerate their presence because they help manage the Storm. 

 

Tsunami can only wonder how she is viewed by the group. Do they think of her as a gold digger? Belphegor is royalty after all. Then she decided that  _ they  _ are the ones with no room to judge, considering who their master is. Let’s not forget the kind of companion they keep in this place.

 

Then Belphegor couldn’t stall any longer and must attend to his Varia duties. But not before he leave Mink with her. Upon seeing her, Mink waste no time climb over her shoulder and nuzzle against her cheek.

 

Not gonna lie, Tsunami miss the little guy.

 

Belphegor’s butler offer to have the mirror in the bathroom removed. Tsunami thank him for his consideration but no, there is no need for that. 

 

This time Tsunami doesn’t flinch when she looks at herself in the mirror. She doesn’t reach for an object to throw at her reflection. She did, however, reach for the scissors.

 

In the past she grows her hair long to distance herself from Giotto’s image. 

 

Tsunami no longer need that now.

 

The Household members don’t even blink when Tsunami walk out with short, uneven hair. 

 

“Lady Tsunami, your Guardians have arrived,” Belphegor’s butler announced. “They are currently gathered at the foyer. The former Sun Arcobaleno is with them as well.”

 

“That was quick,” Tsunami murmured. “Can you tell the staff to prepare a meeting room for us? Also, please pass along a message to my Guardians. Tell them I will see them one at a time. Takeshi first. Thank you.”

 

“Yes, Ma’am.”

 

They take their leave. Tsunami is alone once again.

 

She will meet her Guardians for the first time in six months. While she was with Vindice, Tsunami liked to play scenarios in her mind. Of how her friends will react to her upon being reunited. If she closes her eyes, Tsunami can see the hurt expression on their faces, the confusion, the anger. 

 

And Reborn…

 

This meeting will not end well.

 

* * *

 

Takeshi looked tired.

 

Tsunami had expected that, being the other Beta in the Pack. Or used to be. Their Alphas are not exactly the easiest to deal with. Lambo is still a boy. Mukuro is Mukuro. Tsunami dearly hoped that Chrome didn’t give Takeshi any grief. God knows he already got a ton of those when he saw her trying to kill herself. 

 

The last time he saw her, Takeshi fished her out from the lake. 

 

If it weren’t for him, Tsunami won’t live to go to the Vindice. Won’t meet Luce. Won’t learn what she had learned in the last six month. She wouldn’t have thought to give Belphegor a chance. She won’t be here. Period.

 

Reborn’s face is devoid of expression. The fact that he now has the body of a toddler doesn’t make it any better. He won’t look out of place in a horror movie, with his clean cut suit, short limbs and empty eyes. How could anyone mistake him as a regular baby, Tsunami never know. Reborn was never normal, not then and definitely not now. 

 

“Takeshi,” Tsunami greet the Rain first. Mink perched on her shoulder. She thinks the Box Animal is watching.

 

Takeshi’s shoulders slack at the sound of her voice. He looked like he wanted to cry. “You’re safe.”

 

“I’m here,” Tsunami said. “How are you, Takeshi?”

 

“It’s been hard, with you gone.”

 

Tsunami’s gaze softened at that. “Please sit,” She gesture to the chairs. One for her, one for Reborn and one for a Guardian. Three in total.

 

“Tell me everything.”

 

So Takeshi begin to speak.

 

Gokudera did not react well to Tsunami’s disappearance. The bomber ran around for a full month before Takeshi sedated him with his Flame just so he can  _ sit down for a goddamn minute .  _ He has a conspiracy board in his office now. Gokudera put up notes and photos, anything that can help him get closer to finding Tsunami. Takeshi removed the second conspiracy board in his bedroom so the Storm can rest.

 

Hibari left Italy almost immediately. With Sawada Tsunami gone, he has no reason to stay. Hibari spent the last six months travelling around the globe. Seeking enemies and expanding his territory. They don’t try to keep Hibari in Italy because it’s not worth the trouble. At least the Cloud let them know his next destination. From time to time the Cloud will send tips to Gokudera. That’s how they know Hibari is also looking. It just so happens that Hibari is in Italy when Squalo gave Takeshi the news. 

 

With Gokudera hyper focused on Tsunami’s disappearance and Hibari’s departure, that leaves Ryohei as the only Alpha left in their pack. He put all his focus on the remaining members in Italy, as if to make up for the other two’s absence. Takeshi would appreciate it if Ryohei don’t become so controlling. He always wants to know where the others are, who they are with and get worked up over the smallest thing. Poor Chrome not having any room to breathe because the Sun always try to follow her. Chrome of all people yelled at Ryohei when he gets too overbearing.

 

Mukuro straight up disappear into thin air. They heard nothing from him for months now. This only fuel Ryohei even further to ‘protect’ the members who remain in Italy. 

 

Chrome helped with damage control but not having support from Tsunami took a toll on her. They can’t reach Mukuro. Everyone tried to console her, even Hibari before he left, but nothing sticks for long. Chrome become even more wary to outsiders. She even put some distance between herself and the rest of the Guardians. Takeshi blamed some of that on Ryohei. 

 

Lambo tried to help, bless him. He sticks with Chrome while Takeshi wrangle with Gokudera and Ryohei. Takeshi knows that he did Stuff. He just doesn't know what exactly. But Lambo is not making trouble (or at least careful not to get caught) so Takeshi doesn’t ask. In the few instances when Future Lambo show up via Ten Year Bazooka, he did not hesitate to force Gokudera to drink water or telling Ryohei off while keeping mum about Tsunami’s fate.

 

News of Tsunami’s disappearance and subsequently Secondary Gender spread to mafia community. This is Federico all over again. Needless to say, the Ninth Generation and CEDEF received heavy criticism from all sides. 

 

There is discord in the Pack.

 

Reborn has yet to say anything.

 

“Thank you for telling me,” Tsunami said after a long silence.

 

“Where have you been?” Takeshi asked. 

 

“Away,” Tsunami answered. 

 

Maybe it was the neutral tone she used when she said it. Maybe it was the expression on her face or the lack of it. Maybe it was because the very sight of her.

 

Whatever it is, it causes the exhausted Takeshi to snap.

 

_ “Where have you been?!”  _ It’s rare for Takeshi to raise his voice. Tsunami don’t even blink. “Six months, Tsunami! You’ve been gone for six months! We deserved more than just ‘away.’ You can’t just left and come back as if nothing happened!”

 

Tsunami said nothing. Let Takeshi say his piece. She will not deny him this.

 

She never expected things to stay the way they are just as she left them. She is not Iemitsu. 

 

That being said, it aggravated her how  _ little  _ has changed.

 

Takeshi is panting once his rant is over. He takes note of her stoic expression. His shoulders slumped. “...You’re not returning to the Iron Fortress, aren’t you.”

 

_ If I return now, they will shackle me, lock me in a room and throw away the key. _

 

“Not anytime soon. I’m staying with Bel.”

 

Takeshi looked disappointed but seems to have expected it. 

 

“Takeshi,” Tsunami call out for his attention. His gaze met hers one more time. “What about baseball?”

 

Takeshi blink in surprise. “Baseball? What does baseball have to do with this?”

 

Tsunami don’t bother to hide her disappointment. “Everything.”

 

* * *

 

If Tsunami thought Takeshi is a mess, Gokudera look like  _ shit _ .

 

Tsunami can pinpoint the exact millisecond when his eyes begin to water when Gokudera saw her. She even suspect that he will try to hug her. He didn’t, thank goodness. Gokudera sit on the chair previously occupied Yamamoto. Mink sneered at the bomber. Gokudera looked tempted to flip the bird at the Box Animal.

 

Reborn haven’t left the room.

 

“Juudaihime…,” He started.

 

“Tsunami,” Tsunami respond almost automatically. “How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?”

 

This has been going on for years. Gokudera calling her a title she never wanted. Tsunami told him to stop. Gokudera not quite able to break the habit, not when Reborn and others encourage it. Almost like to reinforce it to Tsunami. At some point, she gave up. All progress is lost.

 

This time, it’s going to be different. 

 

Gokudera opened his mouth to protest or maybe apologize. Impatience got the better of her.

 

“Hayato.”

 

Gokudera shut up.

 

Tsunami only call their given names in dire situations.

 

This is one of them. 

 

“Hayato,” Tsunami repeat once more. “How are you?”

 

It took him a moment to answer  _ (a moment to collect himself) . _

 

“I’ve been better, Juu- Tsunami-hime.”

 

Baby steps.

 

“Yamamoto told me everything. Is it true that you barged into a private meeting between two bosses? You thought that they were holding me captive?”

 

Gokudera flushed. He got chewed out by everybody for that stunt.

 

Tsunami resist the urge to roll her eyes. This is Momokyokai all over again. Gokudera is so desperate to get results that he never consider to think twice about it.  

 

“We rebuilt your old room. We can move you to a new bedroom if you want!” Gokudera added hastily. “I’m so glad you’re here.” Gokudera’s green eyes glisten from unshed tears.

 

Once upon a time, her resolve would crumble at the sight of those eyes. Once upon a time, she would give in.

 

This time, she wouldn’t.

 

“I can’t go back.”

 

_ Not when the very sight of you still give me anxiety. _

 

What does that say about their bonds, when Tsunami couldn’t breath around her  _ Guardians _ .

 

_ It’s only a matter of time before they couldn’t breathe either. _

 

Gokudera’s face fell. “What?”

 

“This,” Tsunami motion between Gokudera and herself. “This is unhealthy. For all of us. We got together in the worst possible way. We need time and space from each other. That’s what I’ve been doing in the last six months. You are so hyper focused on me that you neglected the others. Codependency, dysfunction, power imbalance- Our pack is  _ unhealthy _ .”

 

The Sky is the glue that keeps everything together. To make sure everyone is healthy and sound. When a Sky is taken out from the equation, it becomes easier for the Pack to fall apart. Their case is one of the worse ones. Xanxus’s pack weren’t as  _ bad _ when he was frozen. They functioned remarkably well for eight years. Tsunami’s Pack are all scattered in the span of six months.

 

“But-“ Gokudera’s crestfallen expression tugged on her heartstrings but Tsunami remain resolute. “But if you’re not coming back then-“ His eyes fell on Mink. He scowls. “You’re staying here? With Belphegor?”

 

Mink choose that moment to contribute to the conversation on behalf of his absent owner,  _ “Shishishishi.” _

 

Like owner like pet.

 

Gokudera’s scowl deepened.

 

“Yes, I’m staying here with Belphegor. We’re dating now.”

 

_ “You what?!”  _ The news sent Gokudera to leap to his feet. His chair fell over. “You and Belphegor? That weirdo?!  _ What?! _ ”

 

“We’re dating. We kiss and cuddle and- Well, it’s only been one day but yes. Bel is my boyfriend and I’m his girlfriend.”

 

Gokudera slam his palms on the table. “You can’t! Not with Belphegor!”

 

“Hayato, he’s the only one I can bear to touch when I Presented. What do you think we’re doing when we were together? We’re certainly not having sex. At least, not at the time.” Gokudera turned purple at that. “Point is, we spent a lot of time together. I want to be with him. My heat is still out of place, by the way. Staying with Belphegor makes sense.”

 

The Storm is desperate to say something to refute that. “Well, you could… With someone else…”

 

“I don’t want someone else. I want Belphegor.”

 

Gokudera’s hands balled into fists, yet he says nothing to that. Good. At least she got one point across. 

 

“Will you at least let us come live with you here?” Gokudera asks. Desperation radiating off him. He is scrambling for scrumbs.

 

“No,” Tsunami shot him down with flat tone. “I’ve been gone for six months. That’s half a year. Enough time for all of you to do some reflection. Yamamoto came up with nothing. So did you. I haven’t spoken with the other five yet but if you and Takeshi are any indication, I can’t get close to any of you just yet.” She better wrap this up before she lost her temper or worse, temporary insanity. “You can’t even see the Pack falling apart because you are too focused on me. You neglected the others.  _ You hadn’t learned.  _ Isn’t that says something about our pack?”

 

Gokudera looked like a scolded puppy. “I just want you to be okay.”

 

Tsunami shakes her head. She appreciates the concern… But Gokudera don’t need her. Not in the way  _ he _ thinks. “You should be able to exist beyond me. I don’t need to be the centre of your life.”

 

He looks at her helplessly, “I don’t understand.”

 

“Try then.”

 

_ You should think about yourself for once. Like I did. _

 

* * *

 

When Lambo step inside the room, tears swell in her eyes.

 

Lambo had grown an inch in her absence. His black hair is untamed but with less volume. The horns still ever present. The cow print suit have been replaced with a cow print hoodie. 

 

Lambo had changed. Just like she did. Some days Tsunami still think of him as that five years old who crashed into her bedroom. Sometimes she think of teenage Lambo. Fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen… Ever growing. Ever learning. Ever changing. Adult Lambo frightens her. Not the person but the future and how it shaped him and all the implications. Tsunami only met Future Lambo twice now. The first time it was on a rainy day with Levi’s parabolas spread around them. The second time it was New Year’s Eve from three years ago. Amidst the festivity Teenage Lambo made an appearance, a drunk Bianchi tried to poison him and in his panic Lambo use the Ten Year Bazooka once more. Adult Lambo dealt with Bianchi swiftly with a deft learned from years of practice. He held her hands as Tsunami try to  _ breathe _ , telling her to count to ten. He went back exactly thirty seven seconds before the New Year.

 

It’s always counting down the minutes and years with Lambo. 

 

Lambo is the first to speak up. “I heard Yamamoto yelling,” And then he lowered his voice. “He did that a lot lately.”

 

“Takeshi told me of the situation,” It’s not fair for Lambo to get stuck in this crappy situation but he is part of the Pack. They tried to protect him as best at the could, coddled him even, but whatever happens in the Pack affect him too. “But I want to hear about you first. How are you, Lambo?”

 

The boy sighed. “It’s not fun anymore. Gokudera is always out. If he wasn't then he will be in a shouting match with Yamamoto and Ryohei. Ryohei always try to follow Chrome. Or keep her inside. I had to hack into her gadgets to clean her trace, and Ryohei’s so he won’t be able to track her down. That’s what I’ve been doing by the way. I studied electronics while you’re gone. Take it apart and put it back together and internet. Minecraft, Fortnite, those kind of stuff.”

 

Tsunami raised an eyebrow, “So does this mean you’re a geek now?”

 

He grins at her. “I’m not going to turn a Nice Guy, don’t worry. I was raised better than that.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Tsu says before she could stop herself. She can’t take back those words now. Might as well go full speed. “I’m sorry that I left you behind.”

 

Lambo look at her carefully, “But you’re not sorry for leaving?” 

 

“No,” Tsunami answered honestly. “It’s something I have to do. It’s hard to explain but-“

 

“No, no. I get it,” Lambo shake his head gently. “I’m the person Chrome spend most of her time with after you left. Ryohei is a full time jerk. He disrespects everyone’s privacy. Every question is an interrogation. He guilt trip us every time we don’t do as he says. And that’s just  _ him _ . And Chrome become like  _ that _ . I didn’t realise it was like that to you too all this time.” He cast a wary glance at Reborn (who still haven’t said anything at this point.) “Once I realised that, I couldn’t be mad anymore. I would’ve run away too if it were me.”

 

Tsunami hold back her tears.  _ Lambo gets it.  _ He is the youngest in the group but he gets it. 

 

Then Lambo spend the next thirty minutes telling her the situation. He goes into detail of just how controlling Ryohei have become. How Gokudera got so caught up with his efforts to find Tsunami that he forgot that Chrome and Lambo are there and need him more than ever. How Yamamoto tried to keep everything together. How Hibari comes and goes as he likes. Who even knows if Mukuro is still alive? Lambo had tried to locate Stupid Pinneaple Head but the Mist cover his track well. 

 

Takeshi already told her about all these but hearing it from Lambo only reinforce her belief that they need space from each other. 

 

Now that she is caught up, there is only one thing left to say to Lambo.

 

“What do you want, Lambo?”

 

“Hm..?”

 

“Is there anything you want? Do you want to go back to Namimori? With Kaa-san, I-pin and Fuuta? Or do you want to stay with the Bovino Famiglia for a while? I’ll do my best to give it to you.”

 

Lambo deserves to be at a place where he feels safe and loved. Tsunami want to give those two things to him, but she can’t. She can try. But not at her current state. 

 

“Can I stay here with you?” He looked at her with eyes shining with desperate hope. The look remind her that Lambo is  _ eleven _ .

 

_ (Why would you want to stay with me?) _

 

“I- Yes, Lambo. You can. We still need to tell Xanxus about it because this is Varia’s headquarters after all. But yes.  _ Yes _ .”

 

Tsunami wonder about the future a lot. She wonder if Lambo ever wonder about his Teenage or Adult self. Tsunami want him to be so many things. But only Lambo has a say in it. They can help guide him but it will ultimately up to Lambo. He belongs to himself first. If there is one thing Lambo learn from Tsunami, she wants it to be  _ that _ . 

 

But let’s put the future aside for now. We can always think of the future anytime we want. For now, Tsunami want to listen to this eleven year old boy talking about the creeper meme.

  
  


* * *

 

“TSUNAMI!”

 

“Hello, Nii-san.”

 

Ryohei look better off than Takeshi or Gokudera. Is it because he has a healthier lifestyle? He look sorely tempted to walk around the table and reach for but refrained himself. Maybe Gokudera and Takeshi warned him? Ryohei take his seat.

 

Truth to be told, Tsunami envy Ryohei. He, out of everyone in the group, has the most normal upbringing. Ryohei is very much at peace with himself, unlike Tsunami, Takeshi and Chrome. He doesn’t have anything to angst over. Ryohei probably don’t know what angst is. He doesn't hold onto grudges for a long period of time like Hibari or Mukuro. Even when he’s down, Ryohei will get back up.  _ The Sun always rises.  _

 

“You look…,” His gaze linger on her hair, “...Different.”

 

“Different how?”

 

“You’ve changed.”

 

_ No, I just found myself. I picked up my own broken pieces and put myself back together.  _

 

“What do you want me to say, Onii-san?” Tsunami says in weary tone. “Nothing ever stays the same.”

 

“Is this about your Presentation? Being an Omega is nothing to be ashamed of,” Ryohei give her a reassuring smile. 

 

“It’s not about my Secondary Gender. Yes, my Omega status hold relevance here but it is part of the bigger problem. But we are not going to talk about that today. Takeshi told me of what’s been happening ever since I left.” 

 

Ryohei’s bearing change at the mention of the Rain. His body became taut. His jaw clenched tightly. Tsunami have gathered from her talk with Takeshi earlier that he and Ryohei don’t exactly see eye to eye these days. Which make this whole thing even more heartbreaking. Ryohei and Takeshi always get along before this. Or perhaps this is the first time Takeshi experience firsthand of how bad the boxer can be. Because this time he is on the receiving end of it.

 

“I am not returning to the Iron Fortress with you all. I will be staying here with Belphegor,” Tsunami says as she stroke Mink’s fur to calm her nerves.

 

Ryohei looked at her astonished. As if he really hadn’t consider the possibility of Tsunami will not come back with them. “Why?!”

 

“All of us need space from each other. Are you so blind that you didn’t notice just how fractured this group have become since I left? The cracks have always been there. We could have done something about it sooner but we didn’t notice back then.” She almost say  _ didn’t want to notice.  _ “I spent the last six months coming to terms with it. All of you should have reach to a realisation of your own.  _ Six months.  _ Yet little has changed.”

 

And that got to him. Ryohei narrowed his eyes at her, angry and hurt. “Everything was fine until you ran away!”

 

“No. Nothing was fine for the last five years. But you never noticed, didn’t you? Because you only care with what you want. You never realised that your actions hurt others.”

 

Ryohei point to himself. “Me? What did I do?”

 

Gokudera’s stubbornness often grate them but Ryohei’s brand of stubborness is no less frustrating. The Sun is adamant for people to follow his lead. Not in the way a Sky lead their guardians, no, more like how others must obey him without question. He fed Kyouko lies, kept secrets from Hana, told Tsunami to not tell the girls anything.

 

“Let’s start with the simplest one. Your behaviour is a major contributing factor to Chrome almost breaking down.”

 

“I was trying to keep her safe!”

 

“You ignored the concerns of others multiple times in the past, namely Kyouko-chan, because you don’t want them to get in the way with what you want. Does everyone in Namimori even know I was gone for  _ half a year _ _?_ ” 

 

Ryohei turned his face away from her. “We didn’t tell them. We couldn’t risk it.”

 

Tsunami grip the armrest of her chair. “We are not helpless children. We haven’t been children from a long time now. I get your need to protect us but you never listened to us. You never bother to learn to communicate properly. You haven’t even told Hana the truth and yet you’re already thinking to propose to her!”

 

Ryohei and Hana being a couple has always been a touchy subject for her. One one hand, Tsunami is glad that those two find happiness together. On the other, she can’t unsee that the relationship is unbalanced. Sometimes Tsunami even think that Ryohei pursue Hana solely because they are in a relationship in the Bad Future. Any life those two will build will be nothing but a lie as long as Ryohei keep secrets from Hana. 

 

Hana don’t deserve this. Ryohei doesn’t either. They both deserve a fulfilling relationship where everything is on the table, and both sides can discuss what they want to do.  _ Together _ .

 

“You will not do to Hana what Iemitsu did to my mother,” Tsunami can feel the fire underneath her skin. Waiting to be released so it can turn everything to ash. She is this close to set the table on fire. For Hana. Another woman who might be sacrificed for the sake of a man’s story. Another victim of the mafia in the making. Just not the usual case. “Our Pack is too messed up but Hana? You still can get her out. You owe her that much. If you have any respect to your girlfriend, then you will tell her. When Hana find out- Not if.  _ When .  _ When Hana find out, I can assure you she won’t be happy.”

 

“Hana and I are happy. Everything is fine.  _ Honest _ .”

 

“Then you will have no problem in telling her the truth.” 

 

Ryohei turn to her, scandalised. “No.”

 

“Because you want to protect her or because you don’t want to hear what she has to say about your involvement with the mafia?”

 

Ryohei don’t answer her. 

 

“Get out.”

 

Ryohei gets.

 

* * *

 

Hibari doesn’t sit down. 

 

He stares at her, saying nothing. 

 

Tsunami doesn’t say anything either.  

 

As far as she can remember, most conversations Tsunami have with Hibari in the past end up with her asking _(_ _ pleading _ _)_ for Hibari to listen. For him to stop attacking her and the others to her (or Reborn) promising Hibari favours. As time pass Tsunami begin think of him as a stray cat to help her cope. Hibari must have a heart somewhere in there. After everything they’ve been through as a group, Hibari must have cared. Even just a little bit. Tsunami don’t ask him to love them, but to place his trust in them. Tsunami could always count on him for being nasty, if nothing else. 

 

They are his people. His Pack. Or so she led herself to belief. 

 

Hibari have no problem leaving as soon she’s gone, didn’t he?

 

But he didn’t think to check up on Chrome and Lambo. 

 

Now _ that _ Tsunami can’t forgive. 

 

Surprisingly, it was Hibari who speak up first. “Your face is no longer boring, Small Animal.”

 

Tsunami remain quiet as she recalls the way gravity pull her under. It took her another moment to remember that both her feet are on the ground. “I got better.” 

 

Hibari give her a look over. “You will spar with me. I want to see if your fangs have sharpened while you’re away.”

 

“I won’t. And you can’t make me either.”

 

Hibari doesn’t blink. 

 

“I grew up,” Tsunami says. She has a lot of growing up to do. They all do. They are no longer children once they get involved with the mafia. Since then they are something in between. Tsunami is a monster in a human skin. Sometimes she has to remind herself that she is a person. “Did you?” 

 

“I’ve gotten stronger,” Those words is the answer she receives from the Cloud.

 

Strength does not always equate wisdom.   

 

“You left Chrome and Lambo behind,” Tsunami don’t bother to tuck the anger and bitterness away. “You knew how bad Hayato and Ryohei have become but you still left them behind. Chrome needed Mukuro but he went too. Lambo is the youngest. You don’t have to bring them along. You can drop them at Namimori. You know no one will try to stop you if you do.  _ You still left them behind _ _._ ”  

 

“The illusionist and cow child can take care of themselves,” Hibari says dismissively.

 

“They are not you.” 

 

Hibari can always ground himself whenever he wants to. He doesn’t need anyone’s help for that. The others? Not so much. They all need others to ground themselves. Their bonds act both as teether and noose. Maybe that’s why Hibari always insist to be left alone. He doesn’t want to fall when it’s not on his own terms. 

 

“Have you even  _ talked _ to them?” Tsunami resist the urge to massage her temple. “Phone them? Text them? Ask them how they’re doing? Do you let them know that they can reach out to you? If you have the time to email Gokudera with your findings, then you have time to call Ryohei and tell him to stop being a dick? You have spent at least an hour physically in the same building with everyone else. I’m positive that the others tried to include you in their conversations. Did you ask them?”

 

Judging from Hibari’s silence, he hadn’t done any of these. He doesn’t argue. Doesn’t defend himself. Doesn’t refute her words either. 

 

So many things can be avoided if only they can count on Hibari on anything else beside fighting. He may not be a nurturer or the type to give emotional support but it doesn’t change the fact that they needed him.   

 

It will be easy for her to fill the air with her Sky Flame. To bring Hibari to his knees. That alone will be punishment enough for a prideful man like him. The payback would taste sweet on her tongue. Instead Tsunami tuck away her Flame  _ (for now) _ and raise her head high. 

 

“Every Guardian I talked to so far disappoints me. Except for Lambo. We all have our issues. I’ve been gone for six months. That’s an awful lot of time for some reflection. Because  _ obviously  _ this didn’t come out of nowhere. This has been coming for a long time now.”

 

Guardians. Pack. They are supposed to be something of a found family. They find home in each other. Where did they go wrong? Is it because Tsunami is too afraid to act? Because the adults around them at the time are the wrong role models to look up to? Oh, Tsunami put some of the blame on them all right. They were just  _ kids _ . 

 

_ (But they never were children, aren’t they?) _

 

Tsunami look at Hibari. She didn’t get that feeling of coming home. Neither did she when she talked with Takeshi, Hayato, Lambo and Ryohei earlier. Her gut (or Hyper Intuition) tell her that she wouldn’t feel it with Chrome either. 

 

She wonder since when these people go from  _ Friends/Guardians/Family _ to strangers?

 

“Why did you choose to return?” Hibari asks her. 

 

“Why did you choose to be here at all?” Tsunami fires back. 

 

“You’ve been absent for too long. You need to be bitten to death, Small Animal.”

 

“Yeah,” Tsunami lean back against her seat. “Good luck with that. You can’t threaten a girl who already died a thousand deaths.” 

 

She holds his stare until Hibari look away. 

 

* * *

 

Chrome is the last one to enter. Tsunami only requested for Takeshi to go first. So she has no idea who is going to go through that door after him. Did the Guardians discussed the order beforehand? Did Chrome choose to wait until she is the last to go in? Who knows? Perhaps it’s a good thing that Chrome come in last. Takeshi and Lambo gave her context before Chrome walk through that door. So Tsunami has some ideas on how to deal with one of her Mists.   

 

Then Chrome enter the room and Tsunami is  _ glad _ that she listened to Takeshi and Lambo before. 

 

Chrome is not looking well. She doesn’t look sick per se, but she has this look in her eyes as if she is expecting the enemy to burst through the window and snatch her away. That did happen actually. Lambo told Tsunami that Ryohei stormed into a Famiglia’s residence via the window to ‘rescue’ Chrome who is actually there for an errand. That was one of the long string of messes Ryohei left in his wake in the name of keeping Chrome safe. 

 

Chrome looked like  _ she can’t breathe _ .

 

Tsunami know that feeling all too well. 

 

Chrome simply stood there, staring at her as if she is trying to ascertain if Tsunami is an illusion. She doesn’t move until Tsunami gently call her out. Then Chrome take her seat. 

 

“How are you, Chrome?” Tsunami asked in the same gentle tone. 

 

“Are you really here?” Chrome asked softly. Eyes searching for any sign of trickery.

 

“I am as real as you are.” 

 

Maybe it’s her choice of words. Maybe it’s the confirmation that this Tsunami is the real Tsunami. Or maybe it’s just Chrome give in to the urge to break down. 

 

Chrome burst into tears. The sight get Tsunami to move. She gathers the younger girl in her arms. Their first physical contact in months. Chrome doesn’t balk like Tsunami did when she Presented. Tsunami rub Chrome’s back in circular pattern. It almost feel like they fall into a routine they know very well. Tsunami would hold Chrome like this when her Heat arrive and rub her back like this. Chrome’s control over her illusion would waver. Tsunami heard stories of Mists who lost their minds to their own Flames. Trapped in a reality constructed by their own mind, that take root and fill every space until there is nothing left. Chrome knows that Tsunami share that. The two girls share many commonalities. 

 

“They were closing in on me,” Chrome sniffs. She doesn’t say if it’s the illusion, mafia or both. “You left… And then Mukuro-sama….” She swallowed before continuing. “He brought Chikusa, Ken, Fran, M.M with him. I don’t know where- Hibari-san still can’t find them.”

 

“We’ll deal with Mukuro in time,” Tsunami replied tersely. Mukuro will resurface eventually. “You did your best.” Tsunami stroke Chrome’s hair. “It’s going to be okay now.”

 

“Do you really believe that?”

 

“Not really, no,” Tsunami admitted. “But we always survived in the end, didn’t we? Even when I thought this was it. I’m here, aren’t I?”

 

Chrome look up to her. “You…”

 

“Yeah,” Tsunami take Mink off her shoulder and put him down on the floor. She will talk about it to someone at some point. But certainly not now. “And you’re here as well.”

 

“Am I?” Chrome blinks. “I don’t feel like me… I don’t know who I am anymore.”

 

Tsunami identifies with that on a fundamental level. She doesn’t need Hyper Intuition to get what the younger girl is talking about. Nagi, Chrome or simply an extension of Mukuro. There is a lot to unpack there. But not here when Reborn is watching. Instead Tsunami give Chrome’s shoulder a squeeze. “You are as real as me.”

 

Two girls. None of them even reach twenty yet. They never asked for this. They know what hell is like. Each of them experienced their own personal hell since they were  _ children _ . Unwanted daughters, sacrificial pawns, living prizes. The world is harsh to girls and Omegas and broken ones who fail to follow the rules that are set up to fail. They have been preyed at for their bodies. They spent years trying not to lose their sanity. They gave away their love and none for themselves. 

 

_ (When you gave up everything and left with nothing, it’s time for you to be the one taking. _

 

_ For once.) _

 

“Do you want to stay somewhere else? Namimori? Ryohei won’t stop you from leaving. I’ll make sure of that.” 

 

“...Where will you go?”

 

“Here. With Belphegor and Varia. Lambo will be staying with me too.”

 

Chrome rest her head on Tsunami’s shoulder. “...why?”

 

“Because I decided I want to come back. I decided that I want to be with Bel.”

 

_ (She wants to be with the living.) _

 

“You could’ve stay away. You should have stayed away,” Chrome’s voice held a rawness that make Tsunami’s heart hurt. “I finally see it now… This place is not good for you. You were disappearing.”

 

Out of everyone in the group,  _ of course _ Chrome will be the one who gets it. Even if she caught on too late. 

 

“I was,” Tsunami acknowledges. Vongola will not stop until she becomes the perfect copy of Giotto they envisioned. When will they learn that you can’t force someone to replace someone else. You won’t ever get them back that way. And you will lose the other person you forced the role on.

 

“What if you start to disappear again?”

 

Good question.

 

“Then I’ll look at my reflection in the mirror and decide if that girl is me or not. If not, smash it and ruin every picture of Giotto and any mirror until I find the strength to look at the mirror again.”

 

That elicit a giggle from Chrome. “I want to stay with you,” She says.

 

Tsunami smiles. 

 

* * *

 

Reborn didn’t say anything throughout the meetings. He just sits there. A silent observer. Tsunami imagine- waiting- for him to pull out his gun. 

 

When she is still at Vendicare, Tsunami often fantasize of ripping Reborn a new one. Now, when the actual person is right in front of her, Tsunami feels… Tired. How many chances has she convinced herself to give him? How many nights did she spent praying that Reborn will lighten up? How many times Tsunami has to die until she gets the point across to Reborn? 

 

How many years has it been since the two of them met? They went through some heavy shit together. Every heartbeat is love and hate, every bullet is hope and terror, every hit is punishment and entertainment. It’s frankly terrifying everything is insync with Reborn. 

 

Reborn is the only thing that can kill her. Tsunami still believe that even to this day. 

 

You can still care for your abuser.

 

That doesn’t mean she will forgive him. Maybe not ever. 

 

“Tsunami,” His voice lack inflection, as usual. 

 

Tsunami waits for demeaning words, a lecture, or even a click of the tongue from the former Arcobaleno. 

 

Nothing.

 

Tsunami look at the man who once was a ray in the dark that is a childhood, and ultimately burn her because he is a Sun in every meaning of the word. Once upon a time, there was a Sky who died countless times and a Sun reborn. A girl with disaster in her name owe it to herself to let go of the broken promises and bones. 

 

“Reborn.”

 

With that, Tsunami turns her back on him.    

 

Maybe it was his kindness that let her to walk away. 

 

* * *

 

“Tsunami, I arranged for Chrome-chan and Lambo-chan to stay in the same wing as you and Bel-  _ What happened to your hair?! _ ”

 

Tsunami looks up from her tablet to see Lussuria with a horrified expression on his face. She imagines his eyes staring at her uneven looks. “I cut it.” 

 

Lussuria offer a hand to her. Not close enough to grab her. “Let me book you an appointment with my stylist. Better yet, I can do it for you.”

 

“Thank you, Lussuria, but I don’t need it.” 

 

Tsunami grew her hair long so it made her doesn’t look like Giotto. She doesn’t even stop to think if she likes long hair. But she kept it anyways. Her hair is one of the very few things she has control over. In a way, she grew it out for someone else. 

 

Lussuria is growing his hair out. He dyed it in the colours of mint green and lemon yellow.

 

“I like your hair,” Tsunami said. 

 

Lussuria smiles and drop his arm. 

 

* * *

 

Later that evening, Tsunami return to her shared bedroom after helping Lambo and Chrome settling in, only to find it on fire. The culprit watches his handiwork with no small amount of boredom. 

 

Tsunami doesn’t want to ask, but she does it anyway.

 

“Bel, what are you doing?”

 

“The Prince is tidying up our bedroom.”

 

“...By burning everything?”

 

“The clutter’s gone now.”

 

“Surely you have servants that can do the actual cleaning for you?”

 

“It’s faster this way.”

 

“Bel, you big dumbass.”

 

Belphegor reach out to her and tuck her hair behind her ear. “How was your meeting with those peasants?”

 

“It’s a long story. Chrome and Lambo are staying with us,” answered Tsunami. Mink hop off her shoulders to Belphegor’s. “Mink was a big help.”

 

“Of course he is,” Belphegor grins. His Box Animal followed suit.

 

“I went to see the doctors today,” Tsunami place a hand on his chest. She can feel the steady heartbeat beneath her palm. 

 

“And?”

 

“My body is not done adjusting yet. I’m not pregnant. We discussed birth control. We agreed that suppressants is useless until I have normal heats,” Tsunami pull him close by the lapels of his jacket. “They gave me condoms.” 

 

Belphegor’s grin widened. “If you keep this up, we’ll have a repeat of what happened last night.”  

 

Tsunami place a kiss on the corner of his lips. “I want to do it. I want you.” 

 

Belphegor doesn’t reply. He simply picks her up bridal style. Tsunami rest her head against his chest and listen to his rapid heartbeats. 

 

* * *

 

If she were a more sensible, adjusted person, Tsunami will not let any of these happen. But she is not sensible or adjusted or even normal to begin with. Belphegor was never the picture of mental health from the start. Both of them are haunted by ghosts from their pasts. They don’t have months or years needed to build trust between them. Belphegor was never meant to be Tsunami’s first choice and it’s the same with him. By all accounts, this relationship can only end in disaster. 

 

Yet their bodies fit nicely, not like matching puzzle pieces, but complement each other in a way that can only happen when two people decide that they want this together. She is not afraid. Not at Belphegor. Not after he chose to wait for her to consent all those months ago. They don’t say many words the entire time, just grunts and moans, except for when Belphegor whisper “Tsunami,” in her ears as he spill his seed inside her, which made Tsunami gasp and dug her fingers into his skin. 

 

She chose Belphegor, and he chose her as well. Not for the other’s Flames or body. Not guided by machinations of man or inhuman or by the hands of fate. Just two people  _(monsters) _ who found each other.  __

 

Neither of them felt like leaving the bedroom (it’s a good thing that Varia have so many unused bedrooms in their building). They missed dinner. That’s fine. The kitchen here operate 24/7. They can spend all night in this room, just enjoying each other. No one will try to take them away. 

 

An idea came to her and she just couldn’t resist.

 

“Bel?”

 

“Yeah?” Belphegor murmurs sleepily.

 

“Wanna go to Namimori? Right now?”

 

Belphegor jerked awake. “I’m up.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> get it gurl

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading
> 
> NO FLAME
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT


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